and the best will fall

Touch Me

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 08:25:15 GMT

Title: Touch Me
Band/Pairing: Caleb/Jared (Kings of Leon)
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: “The shoot is over, Caleb, get your hand off my fucking knee,” he sneered. Inspired by this and this picture. :)
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.

It is wrong, he is my brother. I shouldn’t be getting so much pleasure out of having my hand on his knee, but it was a rare opportunity. He never let me touch him. I stared at the camera blankly, as I was told to do. It didn’t excite me that Matthew’s hand was on my knee, or that Nathan’s hand was teasingly brushing my back. It did excite me that Jared’s arm was around me, well, behind me.

A few seconds later Matthew pointed out something, but I didn’t really hear what he said. It must have been important, because Jared was looking at me and he was smiling. The smile turned into a fake sneer, he was teasing me, and I didn’t know why. Nathan stared blankly at us both.

“The shoot is over, Caleb, get your hand off my fucking knee,” he sneered.

“Shut up, Jared.” I removed your hand almost instantly, though. The rest of the guys laughed at me, and so did the photographer. Later on I would be lying in my bunk, wondering why I had enjoyed touching him so much.

“Hey Caleb, we’re going for a beer, want to come?” Nathan asked. I shook your head no. Jared and Matthew were standing next to him. Jared was still underage. No, we were in England. Jared wasn’t underage anymore. Well, Jared wasn’t underage right now.

“I don’t think I want to go, either,” he said, sliding into his own bunk. “You guys have a good time.”

Nathan and Matthew shrugged, leaving the bus and going god knows where. Jared sighed. He turned over on his side, looking at me and smiling. I turned my head a little and smiled back.

“So, yeah, how about that shoot today?” Polite conversation. I hate polite conversation.

“It was alright. The part where he made us stand in the fireplace was kind of odd.”

“Yeah, well, he was kind of odd.”

There was a long and awkward silence that followed. Neither of us could think of anything to say, though we both tried. He would open his mouth and then close it, closing his eyes and shaking his head. I wouldn’t even look at him; I just stared at my hands, playing with my fingers.

“Well, it wasn’t so bad on the couch,”

My stomach gave a small jolt. My head jerked up and I stared at him. He blushed and tore his eyes away from mine.

“I mean, it wasn’t so bad with your hand on me, I mean, I’d like to have your hands on me,”

“What?” I said in disbelief. It had come out wrong; I had meant to sound happier, as if I had been waiting to hear those words. “You never even let me give you a fucking hug, Jared!”

“I-I know, but it’s because if you did then everyone would know I was enjoying it a lot more than I’m supposed to,” he sighed. “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”

“N-no, it’s fine,” I say and grab his hand. He smiles. “I liked touching you,”

“Would you like to touch me more?”

“God, yes,”

“Then touch me.”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

You Promised, But You Broke It (Part 1)

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 07:44:52 GMT

Title: You Promised, But You Broke It
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Frank
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG
Summary: “Frankie, I’ll be back, I promise,” I said as I rushed out the door and down the stairwell. When I got to my car, I looked up to our apartment window, hoping to see him staring at me, or waving good bye. But he wasn’t there. He was probably still on the floor, wondering why I had left him. Again.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.

I told him I would come back for him, but that was a lie. He was too dependant, anyway. The way he would look at me when I told him it had been a great night but now I had to leave was ridiculous. He wouldn’t frown, but his eyes would soften and he would wrap his arms around me, whispering, asking me not to go. I would kiss him gently and tell him that I had to, that if I didn’t work I didn’t get paid, and if I didn’t get paid I wouldn’t have an apartment, and if I didn’t have an apartment him and I couldn’t have nights like this.

“Mikey, baby? Where are you going?” He said groggily, turning over in my bed to face me. I fumbled with my t-shirt, trying as quickly as I could to put my arm through the sleeve.

“To work.” I snapped. I expected him to look hurt, in fact, I wanted him to look hurt, but he just giggled. I cocked my head and looked at him questioningly, wondering what the fuck was so funny.

“You put your arm in the wrong sleeve,” he said quietly, putting his hand over his mouth, trying to stifle the laughter. I grunted and slipped the shirt off, finding the other sleeve and slipping it back on again. The smile faded from Frankie’s face.

“Can’t you call in sick or something?”

“Frankie, no, I can’t,”

“Why not?”

“You know why I can’t.”

He sighed. “Yes. Because work means money. Money means the apartment. The apartment means us. You know,” he paused, or hesitated. I couldn’t tell, but I stole a quick look at him. His eyes were shut tight, as if he were trying to think of the right words to say. “You know, I don’t care if we don’t have the nicest apartment. I just want to be with you.”

“Well, Frankie, you get the job and support us, then you can find us an apartment and I can stay home all day and do god knows what.”

“You know I’ve been applying everywhere I fucking can! Why do you have to be so hard on me?”

I shrugged and tied my shoes. Frank threw the covers off of him roughly, walking over to me. It almost didn’t feel right that he was naked and I wasn’t, but he didn’t seem to mind. He knelt down next to me, trying to get his arms around me, but I would push him away.

“I need to go to work,” I mumbled, standing up. He fell back on the floor. Part of me wanted to take him right there, being so vulnerable (and naked) on that floor, but I didn’t. I stood up and grabbed my wallet, making sure my money and license was in it. He still sat there, staring at me.

“Frankie, I’ll be back, I promise,” I said as I rushed out the door and down the stairwell. When I got to my car, I looked up to our apartment window, hoping to see him staring at me, or waving good bye. But he wasn’t there. He was probably still on the floor, wondering why I had left him. Again.

Work had been a drag. I sat in a cubicle, answered phone calls, typed up reports, answered more phone calls, and eventually went to lunch. Fast food had been my diet for the past few months, and somehow I was still as skinny as I’d ever been. Frankie would worry about me, but I would disregard his worries.

Frankie hugged me when I got home, before I could even set my car keys on the kitchen counter. He hugged me and kissed me, a huge grin plastered on his face. It made me want to smile too, and I did.

“What are you so happy about?”

“Home Depot called back! You are now looking at their newest cashier!” He grinned. “I get to sell wood and power tools. Isn’t that great?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, it’s great.” I pressed my lips softly against his, slowly slipping my tongue in his mouth, but pulling it out after a few seconds. “When do you start?”

“Friday, you think you could give me a ride? I start earlier than you, so maybe you could drop me off and then go to work?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem. How else are you going to get there?” He smiled and wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on my chest. I slipped my arms around him and held him tightly and he sighed happily.

“God, it’s good to know I can finally help you out, it’s murder, knowing that I’m not making things easier for you,”

“No, Frankie, it’s okay, let’s eat something and go to bed, alright?”

“Okay.”

Eating hadn’t taken that long. Getting into bed (minus our clothes) hadn’t taken long, either. Afterwards, I was laying there, my eyes closed and Frank’s arm around my waist, his head on my chest. I was about to fall asleep when I felt something warm and wet on my chest. Frankie was taking in shaky breaths, his hold on me becoming increasingly tighter.

“Frankie, baby? What’s wrong?”

“M-Mikey, I don’t want to fall asleep,” he said softly, not moving his head to look at me.

“Why not?”

“Because when I wake up, you’ll just tell me that you have to leave,”

My heart felt like it was falling out of my body, through the bed and onto the floor. I moved my arm so it was around Frankie, the other lying limply aside. Frankie shivered at my touch, but didn’t complain.

“I won’t leave you tomorrow, I’ll call in sick, I promise you.”

“You promised that two nights ago, and you still went to work the next day.”

“I did?”

“Yeah, you did.”

It hit me that night that during the night I was a completely different person than during the day. During the night it was just me and Frankie, nothing to bother us, nothing to hold us back. There weren’t any rules in the night. But during the day there were deadlines and there was survival. There were too many rules during the day.

“Then you call in sick for me, do it while I’m asleep, and when I wake up and want to go to work, tell me there is no possible way that I can.”

“You’ll just get mad at me. It’s not worth it.”

“Frank, I won’t.” He finally looked up at me. His eyes and cheeks were wet, his lips slightly pouted. I didn’t know what to say to that look. He just nodded. We fell asleep and I dreamt about nothing.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

I Hate Kids 3

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:11:58 GMT

Title: I Hate Kids 3
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. Told from the view of Mikey and Gerard’s mom, who’s a single mother. (She doesn’t hate her kids, don’t worry.) What happens when she finds out that Mikey and Gerard have had a secret relationship for years?
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2

“I can’t believe you actually wore this!” Mikey laughed, holding one of my old prom dresses up to his body. It was the one I had worn to my senior prom, teal and lacey. Gerard looked up at Mikey for a moment, rolling his eyes. He went back to searching through one of the boxes that had been labeled for him.

“It was the eighties, that was the style,” I said defensively. “You can put that in the ‘get rid of’ pile.” Mikey threw it back into the box with all of the other ugly and unwanted dresses. He closed the cardboard flaps, making sure they were secured tightly and then threw it down the hatch with the other boxes.

“Anything you want to keep, Gee?” I asked, looking over his shoulder. He was hunched over a box filled with toys and other memorabilia. He barely turned his head and said no. Like Mikey, he closed the box securely and set it with the other things we would be sending to Goodwill or Value Village.

I looked at my watch. “Okay boys, it’s five past ten, you need to go to sleep,”

“Aww, come on, mom! We can stay up just a little longer,” Mikey whined, standing ready to open another box.

“No, we’ll do this tomorrow after I get home from work, okay?” Mikey sighed and nodded yes. Gerard didn’t follow him immediately. He was standing looking at a box that was stacked on top of another one. The one he was looking into was labeled “Fragile Family Stuff”. His features were hard, almost as if he were angry. I stood next to him, peering into the box. In it there was a picture of him, me and his dad. I slipped my arm around him.

“I never remember him being nice to you,” he whispered, leaning his head on my shoulder. “Was he always such a bastard?”

“Would I have married him if he was?”

“I guess not.”

“I shouldn’t have married him, but then I wouldn’t have had you or Mikey,” I paused and then smirked, “well, I would have had you.”

“It’s like you told both of us to go to bed, but only one has!” Mikey yelled from the bottom of the ladder. Gerard lifted his head and I took my arm from his shoulder. I stayed for a few more minutes after he had left, staring at the picture. I finally grabbed it, taking it with me as I began to leave. I threw it with the rest of the ‘get rid of’ pile and then went to my room, looking forward to a good night’s sleep.

Over the next few days we had managed to clear out more than half the attic, then taking several trips to one of those Goodwill trailers. The man’s smile seemed to have brightened every time we came back with a car full of clothes or books or other things that we didn’t want. Mikey had even held a few conversations with him.

“Well, that’s all for today,” I said, closing the trunk. Gerard sat in the front seat and Mikey shook the man’s hand and took his place behind Gerard in the car.

“Thank you so much, this really is a blessing,” he said, shaking my hand, his grip was firm.

“You’re welcome,” I smiled, taking my hand from him and getting into the car as quick as I could.

“Are we going to do any more tonight?” Mikey asked, turning in his seat and waving goodbye to the man who was still visible from the back window.

“You two can, I have dinner tonight,”

Gerard moaned. “It’s Friday?”

“Yes, Gerard. And he’ll be here at 7:00, which gives me a little less than one hour to get ready, so I’d really appreciate it if you two wouldn’t be in my way while I made dinner and got ready, okay?” There were a few grunts of agreement and then the rest of the ride home was spent in silence.

Getting ready, thankfully, hadn’t taken a long time. I just reheated some of the food from the other night and told the boys that it was dinner. Mikey grimaced at me but I chose to ignore it. It was the best I could do this night and it was what they were getting, unless they wanted to make something themselves.

“Hey mom, Frank and I were thinking about hanging out tonight, would that be a problem?” Gerard asked as I was rushing around the house, sticking an earring into my left ear.

“Do you want to take Mikey with you?”

“No,”

“Gerard, you know he can’t stay anywhere by himself,” it was true. Mikey was a danger to himself. I wouldn’t be surprised if I came back to a house of ashes.

“I can to, just go Gerard, I promise I’ll stay in my room and not move,” Mikey whined.

“Who is all going to be there?” I asked, not needing a “Questions are the Anti-Drug” commercial to remind me.

“I don’t know,”

“What will you be doing?”

“Mom! Am I supposed to know everything?”

“If you want to go anywhere, yes.”

“Fine, I’ll just stay home.”

“Maybe you could call them and hang out around here? And you can still go, Gerard, if you bring Mikey along.”

“I’d rather not,”

“Why not?” Mikey huffed, crossing his arms. “It’s not like you guys are that older than me, Frank is only a junior,”

“Whatever.” Gerard grabbed his plate and threw it in the sink, a loud clattering noise that suggested a chip off the edges of the plate followed. I pulled the earring out of my ear, deciding that naked ears were the only right thing for me.

“Hey mom, he’s here,” Mikey said, looking out the living room window. I looked at the clock on the microwave.

“He’s right on time,” I said in disbelief. “He’s not even a minute late, wow.” Gerard rolled his eyes and went back into his bedroom. A few knocks came from the door, not hard, but not soft. I felt my stomach turn, now was not the time to be nervous. I opened the door, greeted by a smiling Ray, whose hair still hadn’t been tamed.

“Hi,”

“Hi,” I paused and looked at my feet. “Would you like to come in for a second? I just have to take care of a few things,”

“Sure,”

Mikey sat at the table, concentrating on his food, I don’t know if he was trying to ignore Ray or what. As I was walking to the back of the house where my room was, I heard him say:

“So that song, it’s pretty cool, helps you remember,”

“Yeah, it was something I learned when I was in high school.”

“That’s cool,”

“May I ask why there are boxes everywhere?”

“Oh, yeah, we’re cleaning out the attic. These are the boxes of stuff that we’re going to keep, they need to be organized, until then, they’re here,” there was a slight pause and then Mikey spoke again, “The attic is going to be Gerard’s room.”

“Oh, that’s nice.” Ray replied politely and I grinned. I heard a small clatter which must have been Mikey setting his plate in the sink. He walked past my door and winked at me, then letting himself into his and Gerard’s room.

“Where was Gerard?” Ray asked when we were in the car, stopped by a red light.

“Oh, he was in his room,”

“I corrected his retake today, he aced it,” A feeling of pride swept over me and Ray continued. “I wish I knew why he hadn’t before, it’s really bothering me.” I bit my lip and looked out the window, I wanted to tell Ray that I didn’t know what was wrong, either, but I couldn’t. “And here I am, turning this into another parent teacher conference. I’m sorry,”

“No, no it’s fine. I wish I knew what was bothering him too,” The rest of the car ride was awkward, and I wish both of us could have thought of something better to talk about than Gerard. My expectations for the night weren’t very high after the car ride, and they only seemed to get worse when we were seated in the restaurant.

I didn’t want to order anything expensive, after all, he was a teacher and I didn’t have a well paying job, either. Put us together and we’d probably make one decent paycheck. Probably.

“How have things been for you lately?” He asked when the waiter brought us our drinks.

“Fine, I mean, things are always fine. It’s been kind of hectic with the attic and Gerard being really,” I looked at him and smiled, “displeased.” He laughed. I liked his laugh; it was cool and crisp, and infectious. Even if I didn’t laugh, his laugh definitely made me smile.

“Was he really angry with you for saying yes to me?”

“Not angry, well, maybe angry, more surprised than angry, and in some denial,”

“My dad dated one of my teachers when I was in high school. God, it was horrible. You really do get teased to no end, so I guess I know how Gerard is feeling.” He took a sip from his drink. “But I knew what my dad wanted, so I kind of just ignored everyone,”

“You should tell Gerard that story,”

“Maybe I will, I’ve got him sixth hour, I could hold him after class or something.” The grin playing on his lips and the tone of his voice suggested teasing, but it still sounded as if he would really do that if I wanted him to.

Dinner hadn’t been nearly as bad as I had expected, in fact, it had been really nice. Ray wasn’t one for polite conversation, so I found myself telling him a lot more than I had intended to, but he returned the favor. It had been a long time since I had spent time getting to know someone, and actually liked them. Going out with Ray hadn’t been a bad idea.

It was 9:00 when Ray pulled into my driveway. When I got out, he did too. It took me a while to realize that he was walking me to the door.

“Ray, thanks for tonight, it was really nice,”

“No, it was my pleasure.” There was a small pause. I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to kiss me, because I wasn’t sure if Gerard was watching us or not. “Would you mind if I called you again sometime?”

I smiled. “That would be great,” and with that he kissed my cheek and then left. Not driving away until he saw that I was in the house. Mikey and Gerard were sitting in the living room, along with another boy, who must have been Frank.

“Hey mom, how was your night?” Mikey’s smile was bright. Gerard looked at me, frowning.

“It was nice,”

“Oh yeah, mom, this is Frank,” I guess I was right.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Way,” Very polite, for a sixteen year old.

“Nice to meet you, Frank.” I stood there for a moment, wondering what to say. “I think I’m going to go to bed, Gerard, I trust your judgment, don’t stay up too late,”

“Yes, mom.”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

I Hate Kids 2

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 06:08:56 GMT

Title: I Hate Kids 2
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. Told from the view of Mikey and Gerard’s mom, who’s a single mother. (She doesn’t hate her kids, don’t worry.)
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1

“So? What did he say?” Gerard asked when I opened the car door.

“You get a retake, tomorrow during lunch or after school, so that means tonight you’ll be studying,” I said as I stuck the key into the ignition. Gerard folded his arms and sighed, leaning back into his seat and letting his hair fall into his face. I pushed it behind his ears for him and said: “Were you hoping for something different?”

“Maybe an automatic A,” he said, his sarcasm prominent. Sarcasm was one of the few things I didn’t tolerate, though I found myself using it often. “Did you talk about anything else?”

I slowly pressed my foot against the gas pedal and tightened my grip on the steering wheel, checking behind me while I pulled out of the parking space. “He says you’re a good student,” I started, “he was really surprised by the few recent test failures.”

“Oh yeah,” Gerard’s face flushed with a deep crimson. “I-I, yeah, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, it’s just been the tests, lately,”

“I know you do badly on them sometimes,” I paused, pushing on the brake and letting another car pass, “Well, not bad, average, but failing?”

“Did you talk about anything else?” He said hastily, trying to change the subject, and I let him.

“Yes, Ray, I mean, Mr. Toro,” I noticed that my grip on the steering wheel had become impossibly tight, my knuckles were turning white and I could feel my face getting hot, “he asked me to dinner on Friday.” While my face turned fully red, Gerard lost all color. Even Mikey looked up from the backseat behind Gerard.

“He what? You aren’t going, are you?”

“Gerard, this is the first time a respectable man has asked me out in-”

“You said yes?! Mom! He’s my teacher! You can’t date my teacher!”

“We’re not dating! It’s one night out, Gerard,”

“You’re saying that now,” he muttered. I would have asked him to finish, but when Gerard was angry he tended to be a bit on the annoying side, not able to drop the subject when it needed to be dropped. He could go on for hours while I just sat there and listened, so there was no need to coax him on.

He flipped himself on his side so his body was facing me; one of his hands running through his hair, his other arm perched lightly on the arm rest next to him. I sighed, ready for a lecture from my own son. He always seemed to think that he knew what was best for everyone.

“If the other people in school find out about this, and they will, it’ll be hell for me!”

“Gerard! You’re graduating, people will forget about you two weeks into the summer!”

“And what about Mikey? He’s just a sophomore; he’s going to have to endure three years of kids being jackasses to him!”

“Don’t swear in front of your brother,” I said sternly. Gerard rolled his eyes and took in a deep breath, ready to continue lecturing me.

“And it’ll be weird if he’s ever at our house! Mikey and I will be doing our homework and you two will be doing each other!”

“Gerard Arthur Way!” He cringed at the sound of his middle name. “That is enough! It’s one date, don’t get so worked up! And don’t you ever say anything like that in front of me again, do you understand?”

“Yes, mom.” He shifted his body so he was sitting normally in the passenger seat. Mikey had been sitting in the back, listening and fidgeting with his folders and pencils.

Making dinner had been horrible that night. I made Gerard sit at the dinner table with his math books and notes, making sure he studied. Every once in a while he would mutter something about how he couldn’t believe that I had accepted Ray’s offer, and then he would profess his undying hatred for math. I pretended as if I couldn’t hear him.

“You can close your books, dinner is ready,”

“I don’t think I should stop studying,” he said smartly, looking up from a jumble of calculus notes. They had been color coded.

“Then you can go into your room while Mikey and I eat.” I shot back. He slapped his book shut and threw all the notes into his backpack.

“Fine, you win.” He said, his face set at a frown. I called for Mikey who literally bounced into the kitchen, grabbing a plate from the stack of three that I had set on the counter and began dishing up.

“And why are you so excited?” Gerard asked in an accusing tone. There was still a bright smile on Mikey’s face as he slapped a pile of mashed potatoes onto his plate. It was enough to make Gerard smile weakly back.

“I don’t know, it’s a good day, I guess,” Mikey replied.

“I guess for some.” Gerard muttered. I closed my eyes and sighed. I guess winning the favor of Gerard in this parent-teacher situation wasn’t going to happen. I waited for them to dish up and then started on my own plate. When I had finally sat down, Gerard decided to talk again.

“Honestly mom, how does someone go to a parent teacher meeting and end up with a date?”

“Gerard, not at the table.” A few moments of silence followed, the only thing to be heard was the soft clinging of forks against plates.

“I still don’t get why,” he muttered under his breath, just barely loud enough for Mikey and me to hear.

“You know what I learned today?” Mikey asked, setting his fork aside and wiping his mouth. “In algebra Toro taught us this real crap song about the quadratic formula, but it helps you remember.” Gerard stared at him in a look that suggested disbelief. He must have been slightly angry that Mikey would change the subject. I, however, grinned. “What did you learn today, Gerard?” Mikey asked sweetly.

“Nothing,” he muttered, playing with his food.

“Then I you should probably just stop talking.”

I couldn’t have paid Mikey for a better comment. Gerard stared at him for a few moments, his bottom lip quivering. A wave of guilt came over me when I realized I had been enjoying the hurt my son had received. Without saying anything, Gerard left the table, practically running to his and Mikey’s room. His plate was still full.

“I’m sorry,” Mikey said quietly, finishing off the remainder of food on his plate. “I guess it kind of came out, I didn’t really think before saying it,”

I sighed. As a mother, I should have reprimanded him, but there was something in the back of my mind that was telling me Gerard deserved it. I shrugged it off and picked up Gerard’s plate and my own. I set mine in the sink, but got out a few plastic containers to put Gerard’s uneaten food in.

“Don’t be sad, mom. At least you don’t have to sleep in the same room with him,” I looked at him blankly, the corners of his lips twitching, either trying to smile or not to. I couldn’t tell.

“He won’t be for long, though,” I said, taking Mikey’s plate from him. He stood next to me while I washed his plate, a dry rag in hand. “I was thinking about moving him up in the attic, but I haven’t had time to clean it out,”

“I could do it after school or something,” he said eagerly as I handed the washed plate to him.

“Oh no, honey, you don’t have to. I don’t know what I would do with all of the stuff up there, it would just be cluttered in the house, it’s best I do it on a day off,” I said, scrubbing my own plate clean. Mikey bit his lip, a small hurt in his eyes. Maybe he thought that I didn’t trust him enough to do it, but that wasn’t the case. I just didn’t want him going through all of my and his father’s old things.

“Okay,” he said softly, setting the plate in a cupboard with the others.

I looked at my hands for a second; they were wrinkly, and not just because of the water. I was getting old. Mikey watched me rub my hands together, creating a lather from the dish soap. It may not help get rid of the wrinkles, but it felt like I was doing something to them. I rinsed them off, the water now hot from being on the same setting for so long.

“Have you finished your homework?”

“Yeah, I didn’t have a lot.”

“Well, it’s only 7:00, do you want to do anything?”

Mikey thought for a second and then said slowly: “We could start on the attic,” I wished he wouldn’t have suggested it, but there was no way I was going to reject him again. I nodded and he smiled.

“You might want to put on some shoes, I don’t know how dusty it is up there or what is crawling around,” he nodded furiously and then ran to his room and he was back almost instantly, a shoe in both hands. The look in his eyes suggested that he didn’t want to spend any more time with Gerard than he had to.

“Watch your head,” I said, pulling on the latch that was on the trap door in the ceiling. It creaked when it came down, a ladder slowly sliding down with it. Mikey took a few steps back, his nose crinkling at the stale smell that emitted from the attic. He jumped when he heard the door to his room opening, Gerard’s head peaking out from a crack just wide enough for him to fit through it.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re getting started on cleaning out the attic, it’s going to be your room,” Mikey said excitedly. Gerard looked at me for conformation and I nodded. “Can I go up first?” Mikey asked, practically jumping up and down. His hands were clasped together and he had a grin that was almost too big for his face.

“Yes, but be careful, I don’t know how sturdy this ladder is,” after Mikey had made his way up, he asked where the light was. I told him it should be to his left, and after what sounded like him falling over a couple of boxes, a dim light shone from the attic.

The attic was filled with boxes covered in a thick layer of dust. A few of them had been marked, carrying titles like: “Gerard’s toys” and “Mom’s clothes”. Mikey was examining all the labels, occasionally stopping to open up a box and peer in.

“Where are my boxes?” He asked, standing over a box that had contained some of Gerard’s things.

“You weren’t born yet,” Gerard said, heaving himself up into the attic. “We moved here when mom was pregnant with you,”

“Oh yeah,” he pushed the box aside and looked at the other two stacked next to it. “So where do we start?”

I wiped my hands on my pants, ridding them of the dust that had been on the floor. “I don’t know,” Gerard stood behind me looking at a few things that had belonged to his dad.

He kicked one of them and then looked at me, “Maybe we should start with the things we want to get rid of,”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

I Hate Kids 1

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 06:36:36 GMT

Title: I Hate Kids
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AUish. It’s all told from the view of Mikey and Gerard’s mom, who is a single mother and does a damn good job of it. AUish because while Mikey and Gerard’s age differences are correct, I doubt that Ray was ever old enough to be their teacher and I know that Frank isn’t one year younger than Gerard. And Bob was probably never a football coach.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.

When you have kids, your life becomes your kids. Especially when their jack ass father decides to takes off when your youngest turns five and your oldest is eight. Luckily, I have two very well behaved children that I’ve never even had to raise my voice at, let alone spank or punish them. I think they knew once their dad left that I didn’t need them to be brats. It’s not as if they were brats before, but what little complaining there was before, had almost ceased to exist.

So in return I barely ever hassled them, I just reminded them to do their homework and not stay out past 10:00. But Gerard was going to be a senior, and his curfew was killing his social life. Mikey (the rambunctious fourteen year old and sophomore) didn’t seem to mind it. But of course, Gerard wasn’t the only one who noticed that he didn’t have any friends.

They often complain about me not paying attention enough to their lives, but I do. I spend hours at night, knowing that I’ll regret not sleeping in the morning, thinking about Mikey and how well he seems to handle his life. I think not having a dominant male figure in the house has hit him the hardest. Gerard took it like a man, accepted the fact that his father was never coming back, and he simply pushed it out of his mind.

Mikey had been different, though. Mikey had been younger. He still felt like his father actually loved him, actually cared about him. I could hear Gerard sometimes telling him at night to forget about him, that he doesn’t care about him, Gerard or me. Then Mikey would cry even harder, and then I would try to fall asleep.

Gerard never complained about having to share a room with his brother, which was a huge help to me. Having one less thing on my mind was great, I was glad not having anything more on my shoulders, and he knew it. Out of all the sons that I could have had, I had Gerard, which convinced me that there indeed was a God.

At lunch I would always come back to the house, check the mail, grab something to eat, and then leave. Sometimes Gerard would take Mikey back to the house for school lunch, it was good to see them during the work day. This day they weren’t home and lucky for me, their report cards came in the mail. They were both great students and hard working; whatever troubles there were at home didn’t show through their grades.

“Calculus: D,” I read aloud, my eyes scanning the rest of Gerard’s grades. Everything else was either an A or a B, mostly A’s. Well, that was something to talk about when I got home from work. I took a quick glance at Mikey’s and saw that it was all A’s. I smiled at the report card and set it down, taking a sticky note from the kitchen counter and writing “We need to talk. XO Mom” on it and sticking it on Gerard’s report card. I was sure that that was enough, so I finished my salad and went to work.

When I got home, Gerard was sitting on the couch, arms folded, and a paper in one hand. His legs were crossed and his face was stuck in a frown. He acknowledged my entering by looking at me and grunting, standing and shoving the piece of paper in my face.

“It’s my teacher, Mr. Toro, he wants a parent meeting with you,” he muttered, sitting back down on the couch. “Mom, it’s not my fault, it was the stupid final, and you know how I get on tests,”

“And what did you get on the final?” I set the note from his teacher aside.

“An F,” he said quietly. I sighed.

“That was a bit of a choke,” I started, and he sank lower into the couch. “You have a lot going on, I’ll talk to Mr. Toro about it, and maybe he’ll let you have a retake?” He sighed. “The rest of your grades are fine, Gerard. And your art teacher had a few good comments about you,”

“Yeah, sure mom.” He didn’t sound appreciative of what I had said, but it was the best I could do. I dismissed him to his room, he said he had already done his homework, and I decided not to bother him about it.

Before we all went to bed I stopped by his and Mikey’s doorway. “I only have to work half a day tomorrow, you want me to pick you guys up?” They nodded. “I’ll talk to your teacher then, okay Gee?” He nodded and then turned his back to me, pulling the covers up to his shoulders.

“G’night, mom,” Mikey breathed, his eyes drooping. I smiled and said good night, shutting off their light as I did.

-----

My first impression of Gerard’s teacher wasn’t a good one. His hair was everywhere and he had a smile on his face that was to big for a man of calculus. He was very well dressed, though. He led me to a cushioned swivel chair and we both sat down, him at his desk and me in the swivel. He seemed nervous, like this was his first parent teacher conference.

“Can I start off by saying that I don’t think Gerard is a bad student? At all?” He said after a few formal introductions. I smiled and nodded. “He’s not, in fact, the past few tests have been a huge surprise for me, he had been doing so well up to the semester finals.” There was a slight pause. I tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t be rude.

“I suppose I’m asking, do you know why this has happened?” He asked. I shrugged.

“It was a surprise for me too, Mr. Toro. His grades are usually really good,”

“Call me Ray,” he smiled, “And I took the liberty of checking his other classes grades myself. This is apparently his first D. There doesn’t seem to be anything wrong here at school, so I had to assume there might be some home problems.”

It would be lying to say that I wasn’t offended. It took me a while to calm myself down before I could say anything, and in that while he stared at me expectantly. It annoyed me, which only added to the time it took me to get a grip on things. “Gerard is completely fine at home, there hasn’t been anything wrong, he hasn’t been complaining or shown any signs of depression, he hasn’t been slacking off, he hasn’t,”

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry.” Apparently I had come off more cross than I had intended to. I decided to throw all caution to the wind and just ask him flat out.

“Is there any way that you could give him a retake? I mean, he really needs the good grades because he really needs scholarships, and I hate to be so,” I paused, he seemed like the kind of man that could handle profanities, “bitchy about it, but it would really help out the whole family if he could just get a retake.”

He stared at me for a moment, and I felt really uncomfortable. “Yeah, sure, that would be fine. He can come in after school or during lunch, whichever works.”

“Thank you.” But I still had a feeling that we weren’t done.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

It's True That We Love One Another

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 22:41:44 GMT

Title: It's True That We Love One Another
Band/Pairing: Gerard Way/Jack White (the White Stripes)
Author: bestxwillxfall
</strong>rating: PG
Summary: Just a happy little stand alone that was inspired by the White Stripes song "It's True That We Love One Another".
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.
Notes: Reviews are nice, criticism is wonderful!

His hair was black, like yours. His eyes were brown, like yours. Well, sometimes they were brown, other times they were black. It was hard to tell because those eyes reflected light really easily. Everyone said that you looked like him; you even got accused of being a Jack White wannabe when the June SPIN made its debut. But you never thought that you looked like him, no, you thought that he was better looking that you were.

And you were right. You would rather spend a minute with him than an hour with Frank, just so you could look at those eyes that would rarely look back at yours. Sometimes you wondered why he never looked at you, why his attention was always averted elsewhere whenever you were near him. Maybe he didn’t talk to you because he knew you totally stole his bands colors.

No, that’s not it. Red, black and white were very common colors. It’s not as if Jack and Meg had put a copyright on them, after all, they should only have one color. White. It’s in their band name. But that still doesn’t answer why he won’t talk to you. Why he won’t even look at you. Why he won’t even acknowledge that you’re there.

Jack I think you’re pulling my leg, so I think that I better ask Meg.

“Meg, why does Jack ignore me?” You ask one day, practically chasing Meg down from a rush of fans that had seemed more obsessed with her band mate than her.

“Maybe you should ask him.”

Well I would but Meg, but I really just don’t know how.

Those lyrics from that song keep popping up into your head. It’s not even that good of a song; he’s the only one of the three that is really able to sing. Meg sounds like an off tune three year old and Holly sounds like, well, you don’t know what she sounds like, but whatever it is, it’s not that good.

You nod at Meg and give a small smile of thanks. She goes back to her fans that are now clawing at each other in order to get at least a quick glimpse of him. You don’t blame them, he’s gorgeous. If you were a fan, you probably would have killed one of those girls by now.

Today he’s wearing that stupid belt with his name on it. You don’t really think it’s stupid, but it’s nice to criticize at least something about him. He can’t be as perfect as he seems, there must be something horribly wrong with him that he is clever enough to hide. He likes country; there is something that is wrong with him. He even produced that Loretta Lynn record. She might even be a worse singer than Meg.

Don’t use your wrath on some old woman who didn’t do anything to you. You tell yourself. And don’t use it on Meg, either. She’s nice, you should be nice back.

After a while of looking at your feet, you decide to talk to him. You say some polite greeting and he smiles politely back, but looking away quickly. You get a little annoyed, but not to bad. You’re used to this by now. You decide to keep talking to him, even if he doesn’t want to talk to you.

“So that Loretta Lynn album,” you say slowly, trying to find a good complement that isn’t a flat out lie. “It’s good, I mean, for being a country record.”

He slowly grins and looks at you. Right in the eyes. The shock of this action makes you want to look away, but you use all you have in you to stare back at him. By the way he looks at you, it’s like he’s trying to read your mind. Or maybe he is reading your mind.

“She’s a great artist,” he says slowly. “Do you really like it, or were you just saying that?”

“Some of the songs are okay,” you shrug. He sees right through you and laughs.

“I guess it’s not for everyone,” he crosses his legs and you look away, staring at the wall in front of you. You’re to busy concentrating on the wall to notice that he’s stood up and is walking towards you. But you do notice when he takes your hand and smiles, and you smile back either sweetly or stupidly. You can’t tell. Hopefully neither can he.

“You have nice eyes,” he complements, his thumb moving slowly back and forth on the back of your hand. You blush.

“Not as nice as yours,”

Well Holly I love you too, but there’s just so much that I don’t know about you.

He moves in closer to you, but you back away slightly. A lot of questions are running through your mind and you’d rather have them answered first. He looks at you, perplexed, like he hasn’t been rejected like that before. You remind yourself that he probably hasn’t.

“I want to know why you never look at me, or notice me,” you say, trying to sound steady, trying to stop your voice from shaking, but you fail.

“Believe me, Gerard, I notice you,” he says, staring straight into your eyes again. He hasn’t answered your other question, but this is enough for now. You relax and let him do what he wants to you. He leans in again, slower this time, as if testing you out, seeing if you’ll reject him again.

But you don’t. You let him kiss you, and you let him run his hands up and down your sides and over your chest. You wrap your own arms around him, pulling him closer. He smiles and kisses you more. His eyes are closed and so are yours, and right now, that’s how you want them.

----------

Note: I love Loretta Lynn with all my heart. And I love Meg and Holly's voices, too. I wanted to say this so you didn't get mad at me for "dissing" them. :)

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Little Can of Sunshine 5

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 23:15:58 GMT

Title: Little Can of Sunshine 5 - The End
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
</strong>rating: R (Character death, slight use of violence)
Summary: AU. “The internet is a dangerous place, Mikey. You never know what could be hiding in it,” Mikey is 16 years old, Gerard is 27. Mikey meets Gerard over the internet. Though his feelings towards the older man are uneasy, Mikey finds that he is intrigued by him, and shoves all bad feelings about Gerard to the back of his mind.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.
Notes: Reviews are nice, criticism is wonderful!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Gerard hadn’t pushed Mikey into anything that afternoon. No, Mikey had gone along with everything willingly. He had even invited Gerard into his bedroom, and had been overly excited when Gerard had nodded yes. Now Mikey was lying next to Gerard naked, breathing hard, his mind everywhere except for his head.

“Oh-my-god,” he managed to say, closing his eyes and smiling.

“Mmmmh,” Gerard muttered back.

“I feel kind of,”

“Tired?”

“Hungry,” Mikey grinned, pulling himself away from Gerard and the bed, setting his feet slowly onto the carpet. He grabbed his boxers that had been tossed carelessly across the room and pulled them on. Gerard watched him lustfully and let out a small growl. He soon followed Mikey’s example.

“I want something warm, like soup,” Gerard said. “Do you have any?”

“Yeah, we’ve got some chicken noodle in the can, you’ll have to get the can opener,” Mikey said, pointing to a drawer and opening one of the cabinets that contained all of the canned and boxed foods. Gerard pulled the can opener out of the appliance drawer and grinned.

“They still use these?” He laughed, indicating the hand used can opener. Mikey shrugged.

“We never got around to getting an electric one, just be careful,” he said, handing Gerard Campbell’s, “when it cuts, the lids are really sharp.”

“I’ll be careful, don’t worry.” As Gerard started working on his after sex snack, Mikey started cleaning a few plates that had piled up. They had been bothering him for a while and thought that it would be a good help to his mom if he did it. He felt something warm slip around his waist, which could only be Gerard’s arm.

He felt Gerard’s lips on his neck, and Mikey tipped his head over to give Gerard an easier access. He dropped a plate in the sink and grabbed Gerard’s thigh, wondering where Gerard’s other hand was. He soon found out. Something sharp and cold grazed Mikey’s neck, and then without warning, pierced it.

He snapped his hand up from Gerard’s thigh to his neck, feeling where the pain had been. When he looked at his hand, his fingertips were stained with blood. His blood. Mikey gulped and began to turn around, but Gerard stopped him.

“Oh no, baby, let’s go to your bedroom,” he cooed, his hand drifting downwards and resting on Mikey’s crotch.

Mikey heard a few message alerts come from his laptop, and when he got a quick glance he could see that most of them were from Frank, but Gerard violently shut the laptop, making Mikey cringe. He pushed Mikey onto his bed and grinned.

“A-are y-you going to rape me?” Mikey asked. He felt stupid asking it, but it was the only way he knew how to phrase what he wanted to say.

“Oh no, my little can of sunshine,” Gerard said, climbing onto the bed, sitting on Mikey so his legs were on either side of him. Mikey writhed beneath him. “No, I’ve found it’s much more pleasurable when the other goes along with things willingly,”

Gerard still had the lid in his hand, and was caressing Mikey’s stomach with it. Mikey’s muscles tensed, he took in short, sharp breaths. As much as he wanted to look away from Gerard, he couldn’t. Gerard lied on top of Mikey, stealing a few more kisses. Mikey felt like he was being crushed under the weight of Gerard, he was starting to lose air.

Gerard got off of Mikey and then off the bed, holding out his hand for Mikey to take. Mikey took it and stood up with Gerard, who pulled Mikey to him, his back pressed firmly against his front. Gerard began kissing Mikey up and down his neck again, the lid seemingly nowhere near Mikey.

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to talk to strangers on the internet?” Gerard teased. Mikey whispered the words “fuck” and “damn it” over and over again, tears falling down his cheeks. “Oh, don’t cry sunshine,” Mikey could feel him smirk. “It’ll all be over soon,” and with that Gerard ran the lid over Mikey’s neck, slitting his throat.

Blood stained the carpet and Mikey fell to his knees, he grabbed his throat, struggling for air. He fell flat on his face, but Gerard flipped him over. He smiled evilly and licked along the slash on Mikey’s throat, temporarily ridding his skin of blood. Mikey stared at Gerard, his eyes wide with fear, his hands once again clutching his throat. Gerard smiled at him, revealing two rows of blood stained teeth. Mikey exhaled for the last time.

Gerard wiped his lips and chin and left the house, not locking the door as he did. Minutes later, Gerard would be gone forever and Frank would be knocking on the door. He would open the door and call out Mikey’s name. Frank would fall on his knees and cry out Mikey’s name when he would find him on the bedroom floor. Frank would then spend the rest of his life trying to forget the look of fear in the eyes of Gerard’s little can of sunshine.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Little Can of Sunshine 4

Wed, 03 Aug 2005 08:45:46 GMT

Title: Little Can of Sunshine 4
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
</strong>rating: PG-13 to R, I guess.
Summary: AU. “The internet is a dangerous place, Mikey. You never know what could be hiding in it,” Mikey is 16 years old, Gerard is 27. Mikey meets Gerard over the internet. Though his feelings towards the older man are uneasy, Mikey finds that he is intrigued by him, and shoves all bad feelings about Gerard to the back of his mind.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: Reviews are nice, criticism is wonderful!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

It was the worst Saturday of Mikey’s life. At the least it was the worst Saturday morning Mikey had ever encountered. It was spent in tense anticipation and uneasiness. He had changed his outfit more than twice, wondering which shirt would give Gerard the best first impression of himself.

Mikey ate a late breakfast and set out, taking the long way around, careful not to pass Frank’s house as he made his way to the park. As he was walking, thoughts of regret and apprehension were swimming through his mind. He took smaller and slower steps, subconsciously wanting to prolong the walk. He looked at his watch.

12:16, he’s probably not even there anymore. Mikey thought, sticking his hand back in his pocket, watching his feet as he walked.

When he reached the park, Mikey had half way hoped not to recognize anyone. There was a baseball game going on in one of the fields, and most everybody that was at the park was there. Mikey was scanning the benches looking for Gerard when he felt someone tap his shoulder.

“I was going to apologize for being late, but I seem to not be the only one that is,” Mikey turned around and was face-to-face with Gerard.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” Mikey muttered, shuffling his feet and looking at the ground. God, he is so good looking, he thought, just look at him, but don’t stare. It’s not a bad thing to make eye contact.

“It’s no problem, want to go sit down?” Gerard asked, his eyebrows slightly raised. Mikey managed to lift his head up to look at Gerard, but almost immediately looked down again. Gerard’s eyes were enough to send a slight tingling sensation up his spine.

“Yeah, sure.” He mumbled, cursing himself for doing so. Don’t be so fucking nervous! Gerard had lead Mikey to the nearest bench, letting Mikey pick his seat first and then sitting a foot or two away from him. Gerard smiled softly, a smile that Mikey didn’t return. He just stared out into the houses in front of him.

“So,” Gerard said quietly, almost uncomfortably.

“How are things going?” Mikey blurted out. He was screaming at himself in his mind, wondering why he had to sound so nervous, so young.

“Things are fine, could be better.” Gerard looked at his feet and then at Mikey. “How about you?”

“Oh, yeah, things are okay.” A long silence followed and Gerard sighed.

“Mikey, look, I don’t want to talk to you like we’re on the internet all the time. Do you not feel comfortable around me? Because I could leave.”

“No, Gerard, it’s fine. I’m sorry for being so quiet, I’m kind of tired and,”

“And it’s been a hard week? Believe me Mikey, I’ve heard it all. You aren’t comfortable around me, just say it.”

Mikey smirked. “Fine, you’re right. You’re always right. But I’ve never actually met anyone from the internet, you know?”

Gerard smiled back. “That’s all I wanted to hear.”

“You want to go get something to eat?” Mikey asked, not believing he had asked it. “My house is only a few blocks away, we could go there.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” He smiles slightly, and Mikey leads him to his home. After Mikey had rummaged through the fridge, he managed to find a few packages of lunch meat and some lettuce. He looked through a few cabinets and found half a loaf of bread and then invited Gerard to make his own sandwich.

“Thanks for lunch,” he said quietly, taking two pieces of bread out of it’s plastic covering. Mikey smiled instead of saying thank you (he had food in his mouth; it would have been rude to talk). A few minutes later, he heard the door unlock and his mom’s voice letting him know she was home.

“Oh! I didn’t realize you would be having friends over,” she said sweetly, setting down her purse.

“Yeah, mom, this is Gerard, he’s, um,” Mikey looked desperately at Gerard. He didn’t want his mom to know that he was talking to and meeting complete strangers from the internet, Gerard seemed to understand the look on Mikey’s face.

“I’m from his school. I’m an assistant teacher for math; I’ve been helping him a lot after school and we decided today was a good day to get some extra study time in.” Mikey was surprised at how calm and collected Gerard had said been. He didn’t flinch or hesitate, but stared unblinkingly into Mikey’s mom’s eyes and lied.

“But you’ve been doing so well in math, Mikey,” his mom was obviously confused. Her eyebrows were raised and her speaking was slow.

“Yeah, well, I have Gerard to thank for that.” He said quickly, looking from his mom to Gerard, and then to his feet.

“Well, I’m just here for lunch. You two keep doing what you were doing,” she smiled and went over to the refrigerator, digging through and then pulling out a small Tupperware container that held a small amount of salad.

It seemed like forever until she had finally left, but when Mikey looked at his watch he realized that she had only been there for fifteen minutes. He shrugged and sighed, crossing his legs and finishing off his sandwich. Gerard shifted in his chair awkwardly, a half eaten sandwich sitting on his plate.

“May I ask where the bathroom is?”

Where did he learn to be so fucking polite? Mikey asked himself. He nodded and pointed in the direction where the bathroom was, telling Gerard to take a left after the first door and that he’d be there.

“Thank you.”

Later on Gerard and Mikey had moved from sitting on dining room chairs to the living room couch, which was considerably more comfortable. They had dug themselves into a deep conversation, Mikey mostly talking. Gerard asked him about his friends and school, his mom and dad. Mikey never took into consideration that Gerard wasn’t telling much about himself.

After a long pause, Gerard took Mikey’s hand with his own, weaving their fingers together. Mikey tried to jerk it away, but Gerard’s grip was too tight.

“I’m sorry if it’s bothering you, but Mikey, could you just let me hold your hand? I mean, you don’t have to do or say anything, it’s just that I really need to hold someone’s hand.” Sadness swept over Gerard’s so that Mikey couldn’t possibly refuse Gerard, even if he had every reason in the world to.

“Its fine,” he breathed, his other hand resting on his thigh.

“Thank you,” Gerard replied so quietly that Mikey had barely heard him. Mikey felt that every cell in his body was screaming at him, telling him to ask why Gerard seemed so sad, why he needed to hold Mikey’s hand. Mikey shook his head and suppressed the urge to ask, reminding himself that whatever Gerard’s business was, was Gerard’s business.

“It’s been so long since I’ve held someone’s hand,” Gerard said, sounding more as if he were talking to himself than to Mikey. “I’ve been alone for so long. Well, not alone, I’ve had friends, but I haven’t had anyone special.” Mikey shifted uncomfortably, but Gerard’s grip on his hand tightened. Gerard leaned into him, his face barely inches away from Mikey’s.

Mikey’s eyes darted from the floor to the ceiling to his occupied hand. He looked everywhere except at Gerard.

“Mikey, look at me,” Gerard said firmly, his free hand moving up slowly, eventually cupping Mikey’s face, his thumb grazing back and forth slowly. Mikey almost whimpered under Gerard’s touch. “Don’t be so nervous,”

Mikey finally looked Gerard straight in the eyes. They were beautiful. Though slightly glazed over, Gerard’s eyes had warmth to them, but a sense of sadness as well. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking by looking into his eyes, even more impossible to tell what he was feeling.

“I-I’m not nervous,” Mikey stuttered, rolling his eyes at himself. Gerard chuckled.

“Okay, my little can of sunshine,” he gently pressed his lips against Mikey’s, who gripped Gerard’s hand tighter in response.

Kick him off you, Mikey. He’s eleven years older than you, kick him off! His conscious was screaming at him, reminding him of what he’d learned in school about talking to strangers. And then reminding him of what he had learned in school about internet predators. He shrugged off the nagging and focused on Gerard, whose hand was gone from Mikey’s face, and was slowly making its way up his shirt.

Gerard kissed Mikey again, this time his tongue slipping slightly into Mikey’s mouth. He pulled out a few seconds later, a smile playing on his lips.

“You taste good,” Mikey smiled nervously back, not sure how to tell Gerard that he wanted more. But Gerard had seemed to be reading Mikey’s mind. He kissed him again, this time his kiss wasn’t as soft or innocent as the other two had been. Gerard’s tongue was exploring Mikey’s mouth, and Mikey felt his pants suddenly get tight. Gerard’s erection was rubbing against Mikey’s thigh, causing small moans to escape from both of their mouths.

When Gerard had pulled out of their kiss, Mikey grinned. “This is so much better than the internet,”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Little Can of Sunshine 3

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 21:42:35 GMT

Title: Little Can of Sunshine 3
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
</strong>rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. “The internet is a dangerous place, Mikey. You never know what could be hiding in it,” Mikey is 16 years old, Gerard is 27. Mikey meets Gerard over the internet. Though his feelings towards the older man are uneasy, Mikey finds that he is intrigued by him, and shoves all bad feelings about Gerard to the back of his mind.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: Reviews are nice, criticism is wonderful!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Frankie says: whats up with the name?

Little Can of Sunshine says: oh yeah. haha.

Little Can of Sunshine says: hey, you got msn. just for me? awwww shucks, frank.

Frankie says: it’s only because i love you soooooo much

Frankie says: you know you have good punctuation

Little Can of Sunshine says: i always have. Gerard is wearing off on me, so don’t be surprised if you see a few capitalizations.

Frankie says: you’re still talking to him? mikey: he will rape you one day

Mikey sighed. He typed a quick “brb” to Frank and continued his conversation with Gerard, who was a much more skilled typist.

Gerard says: But how is your day going, my little can of sunshine?

Little Can of Sunshine says: i have no idea why you call me that, and i have no idea why i am using that as my name.

Gerard says: It’s what you are, though.

Mikey blushed. He was thankful that this was just the internet.

Gerard says: You know there is a lot we don’t know about each other, like, where are you from? What do you like to do?

A while ago, Mikey would have been hesitant to answer Gerard’s questions, but they had been talking for a long time. It’s not like Gerard was a liar, everything he’d said had been so honest, or at least, seemed so honest.

If he was a predator, he would have lied about his age. Mikey would tell himself. He would be acting completely different and would be using stupid abbreviations and would have troubles with comma usage.

Little Can of Sunshine says: newark, it’s in new jersey.

Gerard says: No fucking way! We live in the same town. (And capitals, Mikey. Capitals!)

Little Can of Sunshine says: OK. THAT IS SO COOL THAT WE LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN! I’M FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT RIGHT NOW.

Gerard says: Smart ass.

Little Can of Sunshine says: I know.

Mikey went back to Frank, laughing at himself and his hilarity. Frank, apparently, had been waiting edgily while Mikey had been away, muttering things to himself about rapists and Mikey being an idiot.

Little Can of Sunshine says: :)

Frankie says: where the fuck have you been?

Little Can of Sunshine says: Right here, what crawled up your ass while I was away?

Frankie says: you and your sex predator

Little Can of Sunshine says: Oh, would you just shut the fuck up? It’s tiring, Frank, really.

Frankie says: whatever

Little Can of Sunshine says: OK, fine, I’m going. I’ll talk to you later.

He closed the box and went back to Gerard’s.

Little Can of Sunshine says: Hey Gerard, I’ll talk to you later. :)

Gerard says: It was a pleasure as always, Mikey.

Mikey signed off and set his laptop aside, reaching for his backpack and pulling out a few text books and his notebook. He started on his homework that should have been done an hour ago.

----

It was 2:47 AM when Mikey woke up, he was parched. After getting a glass of water, he decided that now was a good time to check his e-mail without being distracted by anyone. He opened his laptop and logged in, his MSN signing on automatically when his Windows had set up. A small window appeared on the bottom right corner of the screen.

Gerard says: Why up so late?

Mikey clicked on the box and watched it open to the bigger window, feeling like it was taking to long.

Little Can of Sunshine says: I was thirsty.

Little Can of Sunshine says: And I’m changing my name. People keep questioning me and it’s getting annoying.

Gerard says: Fine with me. I can tell when somebody doesn’t love me. You don’t have to change your name, Mikey. You can just say it.

Mikey says: Ha. Well, I DON’T love you, but you are a decent guy. I’m changing my name, anyway.

Gerard says: Fair enough.

Gerard says: Hey, is it wrong that I kind of want to meet you?

Mikey froze. Talking on the internet was one thing, but actually meeting the guy? Frank could be right, he could be some creep who abducts teenagers and children from different towns to satisfy his sadistic needs, but on the other hand, he could be the nice guy that he appears to be, that he’s practically proven himself to be.

Mikey says: No, it’s not. I want to meet you, too.

Mikey says: But where would we meet?

Gerard says: How about a park? Like, Lincoln or Independence or something. Which do you live nearer to?

Mikey says: Independence.

Gerard says: North or South?

Mikey says: North, at least I think so. By the two baseball fields.

Gerard says: Alright, let’s meet there. On the east side?

Mikey says: Yeah, that’ll work. But how will I know it’s you?

Gerard sends:

ME!!! (163 KB)

Alt+A to accept

Holy fuck. Mikey had thought after he downloaded the picture of Gerard. It was extremely high resolution and extremely attractive. He wondered how he could have ever thought that Gerard would be a danger to him. His eyes were enough to make you want to hold him and tell him that everything would be alright. They seemed so pained, but yet so beautiful.

Gerard says: I don’t know if that’ll be enough, it seems like a good picture to know how I look.

Mikey says: Yeah, yeah it’s fine. I’ll see you around?

Gerard says: Yeah, what day?

Mikey says: I don’t have school tomorrow, so tomorrow?

Gerard says: Sure, how about in the afternoon? 12:00?

Mikey says: Yeah, that’s perfect. I’ll see you then.

Gerard says: See you then.

Mikey smiled and signed off.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Little Can of Sunshine 2

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 07:27:59 GMT

Title: Little Can of Sunshine 2
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. “The internet is a dangerous place, Mikey. You never know what could be hiding in it,” Mikey is 16 years old, Gerard is 27. Mikey meets Gerard over the internet. Though his feelings towards the older man are uneasy, Mikey finds that he is intrigued by him, and shoves all bad feelings about Gerard to the back of his mind.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: Reviews are nice, criticism is wonderful!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1

“Hey, what’s up?” Mikey said as he opened the door.

“Nothing, is Frank here?” Ray said, bumping into Mikey as he entered. “We stopped by his house and no one answered when we knocked.”

“He was probably asleep,” Mikey closed the door.

“So he’s not here?” Bob slightly lifted his left eyebrow, slightly frowning.

“No, he’s not.” Mikey’s tone suggested that Bob suffered from brief stupidity. He led his two guests into the living room. Ray threw himself onto the couch, and Mikey shrieked.

“Ray, no, damn it-” he shoved Ray aside and picked up his laptop. Holding it preciously as he gave Ray a nasty look. “Would you look where you are going?” He snapped, sitting on the floor and setting the laptop carefully down on his lap.

“Jesus, sorry Mikey. It’s a good thing you remained calm, wasn’t it?”

“You don’t need to be so sarcastic, Ray.” Bob stated, sitting next to Mikey. “The kid is just very protective of his things,” he smirked and threw his arm around Mikey. “Where’d you get that?”

“My parents, for my birthday,” he said each word slowly, examining them to make sure they were the right thing to say. Bob had always intimidated Mikey, though he didn’t know why. It’s not as if he was a real asshole or anything, but there was something behind his grin that made Mikey flinch.

“Ah, can I have a look?” Bob holds out his hand, expecting Mikey to hand over his precious laptop.

“Um, no.” Mikey says flatly, hugging the laptop to his chest, his knees rising slowly to form another wall of defense.

“Oh, come on, Mikey,” Bob says sweetly, his eyes changing from the familiar teasing to a soft pleading. Ray grinned, lying on the couch, his head propped up on his bent arm, hair everywhere.

“No, and shut up.” Mikey uses a tone that even Bob wouldn’t challenge it. He rested his forearms on his knees and looked at his feet. Mikey didn’t loosen the grip he had on his item of importance, but he straightened out his legs while keeping a watchful eye on Bob.

“So you don’t know where Frank is?” Ray said, looking at his finger nails.

“No, I don’t. You should just try his house again, he was probably asleep.” Mikey suggested.

“Yeah, you said that.” He sighed and sat up. “Well, we aren’t going to get any further here, are we?” He winked at Bob. They both stood up and made their way towards the door, ready to leave. Mikey stood up a few seconds after them, still guarding his laptop, standing five feet away from them at all times.

“Thanks for the help, Mikey,” Ray said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Yeah sure, whatever.”

“See you at school,” Ray and Bob left, closing the door slightly harder than they needed to. Mikey sighed in relief. He went into his room and gently sat the laptop on his empty nightstand. He looked at the clock.

“4:37,” he said, not realizing he’d said it aloud. Why do I want to go to sleep? There’s still a million hours left in the day! No sooner had he thought that, another sharp knock came at the door.

“Frank! What are you doing here? Ray and Bob are looking for you,”

Frank pushed his way past Mikey. “Yeah, I know. I don’t really feel like talking to them right now.”

“Well, you do what you want; I think I’m going to take a nap.” Mikey had turned around; ready to leave Frank to his fridge, but Frank stopped him.

“Not going to play with your new toy?” He teased.

“What do you mean? You or the computer?” Mikey smirked.

Despite himself, Frank laughed. “I mean the computer.”

“Yeah, sure,” Frank looked as if he were going to say something, but Mikey was out of his sight before he could. Frank followed him warily, he had never ventured any further than the kitchen or the living room of Mikey’s house.

Mikey’s room didn’t shock him. It was a mirror image of Mikey’s personality, complete with band posters of Brit Pop bands that Frank didn’t care too much for. Mikey was already on his bed, leaning against the wall, his laptop set on his lap. Noises with no particular pattern were coming from it, which Frank assumed was the MSN message alert.

“Who you talking to?”

“No one.”

“I don’t believe you,” Frank took a few steps towards Mikey, trying to peek at the screen. “You sound nervous,”

“It’s your imagination,”

“I’ve never had a good imagination.” Frank took a few more steps and was next to Mikey, staring at the screen.

“Would you stop that?” Mikey said, annoyed. “I hate it when people read over my shoulder.”

“Maybe I should just sit next to you?” Frank teased, poking Mikey in the shoulder.

“Not enough room on the bed,” Mikey grumbled, still annoyed, but his attention was averted from Frank to the laptop screen.

“Well, then move over. It’ll be a tight fit, but you’re skinny, so I’ll make it.” Mikey rolled his eyes and scooted over, carefully holding his lap top. When Frank was mostly on, he rested his head on Mikey’s shoulder and read what he was typing.

“You’re still reading over my shoulder,”

“No, I’m reading on your shoulder.”

“That makes no sense.”

Frank shrugged and continued reading. Mikey was careful to hide the box with Gerard, but when Frank pointed out that one of the windows had been flashing for a while, he was forced to look at it.

Gerard says: Mikey? Are you there still?

Gerard says: Hey, if you don’t want to talk to me, you could just say so. :)

Gerard says: Seriously, Mikey, what’s up?

“Well, what’s up, Mikey?” Frank smiled. “Can I type for you?”

“What? Frank, no.”

Mikey says: sorry, there are a few windows up, i’m sorry if i ignore you a lot.

Gerard says: It’s OK. I get ignored a lot. :)

“That’s kind of depressing. Who’s Gerard?” Frank asked, but Mikey just shrugged it off and went back to typing.

Gerard says: Have you left me again?

Mikey says: no, frank is reading over my shoulder and it’s annoying the crap out of me.

Gerard says: That would annoy me, too.

Mikey says: that’s why i’ve been slow to talk. i’m not fond of people eavesdropping.

Gerard says: Neither am I.

“It’s not like you’re saying anything interesting,” Frank mumbled, crossing his arms and looking away from the screen.

Mikey says: He says we aren’t interesting.

Gerard says: Is he gone yet?

“Is he gone yet? What the hell does he mean by that? You still haven’t told me who Gerard is.”

“I don’t know who he is.” Fuck. You idiot. You fucking idiot. Frank stared at him.

“How old is he?”

“Twenty-seven,” Mikey whispered.

“Holy fuck! Did the words “Sexual Predator” ever cross your mind, Michael?!” Frank said in a raised voice.

Mikey turned a furious shade of red. “No! They didn’t! Frank, you can leave. Get off my bed,” Mikey tried to shove Frank off, but Frank showed brilliant resistance.

“Don’t push me off!” He yelled, pushing back at Mikey.

“It’s my bed, Frankie.” Mikey said, trying again to bump him off. “And don’t you ever call me Michael again, ever.”

“I’ll call you whatever I want,” Frank grunted, pushing back. It went on for a while, the two pushing at each other back and forth, shouting insults and arguing, until Frank finally gave up.

“Whatever. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He sighed, leaving Mikey’s room and slamming the door as he left. Mikey stared at the door for a while but looked at his message box.

Gerard says: Oh, ignoring me again, eh? :)

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Little Can of Sunshine

Mon, 01 Aug 2005 21:34:46 GMT

Title: Little Can of Sunshine
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: AU. “The internet is a dangerous place, Mikey. You never know what could be hiding in it,” Mikey is 16 years old, Gerard is 27. Mikey meets Gerard over the internet. Though his feelings towards the older man are uneasy, Mikey finds that he is intrigued by him, and shoves all bad feelings about Gerard to the back of his mind.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: Reviews are nice, criticism is wonderful!

“The internet is a dangerous place, Mikey. You never know what could be hiding in it,”

“Shut up, Frank.” Mikey smacked Frank on the back of his head. He turned his attention back to his laptop, which his parents had so graciously bought him for his sixteenth birthday.

“Lighten up, Mikey.” Frank smirked and casually made his way to the kitchen. Coming over to Mikey’s and eating his food had become a habit, a reflex by now. He didn’t even ask if he could have anything to eat. “Where the hell has all your food gone?” He whined, Mikey only able to see the bottom half of his torso and his legs. Frank was bending over, probing the refrigerator for something at least half way satisfactory.

Mikey laughed. “You ate it all,” Frank pulled away from the fridge and walked back over to Mikey. He sat down next to Mikey, slouching and staring at the laptop screen.

“What are you doing?” Frank asks, trying to sound interested.

“Downloading MSN,”

“But I have AIM.”

Mikey rolled his eyes. “Then download MSN.”

“Why can’t you get AIM?”

“Because I don’t want to. It’s annoying, with all of its little sounds and stuff,” Frank rolled his eyes, not satisfied by Mikey’s excuses. “And only sexual predators use AIM.” Frank hit him and Mikey giggled.

“And what does that make me?” Frank scowled.

“A very young, sexy, sexual predator,” Mikey said, Frank folded his arms and Mikey grinned.

“You’re giving me ideas, Mikey,” Frank said, the corners of his lips twitching, he was trying not to smile. “What are you doing now?”

“Erm, logging in?” Mikey replied sarcastically, a few windows popping up with various greetings.

“Who’s that?” Frank pointed at one of the boxes. It went on for quite a while, a new message window would pop up and Frank would point and ask who it was. Mikey got annoyed after a while.

“Frank, would you shut up?!”

“Well what the fuck am I supposed to do while you talk to other people?” He shot back.

“How about go to your own house?”

Frank frowned and stood up. He didn’t say anything, just left Mikey alone on his living room couch, slamming the door as he left. Mikey waited for several minutes until he knew Frank was finally gone. He knew he would be alright; he only lived a few blocks down, anyway. Mikey turned his attention back to the laptop, clicking on one of the neglected boxes that was flashing on his start up bar.

Mikey says: sorry, my friend wouldn’t stop bothering me.

Gerard says: Nah, its okay. You just weren’t really responding, so I kind of freaked out.

Mikey says: yeah, he’s been coming over almost everyday after school, and it’s getting annoying. but i don’t really have many friends, so i guess it’s ok if frank comes over… at least it’s not lonely. :)

Gerard says: Hey, you don’t need Frank to not be lonely. You’ve got me! :)

Mikey says: ok, let me rephrase that. it’s nice to have someone you can actually see and know. :P

Gerard says: OK, I know how you feel, then. How old are you, anyway?

Mikey hesitated for a second. He didn’t really feel like giving out his information to a stranger, he had a hard enough time giving it out to acquaintances. But Gerard seemed trustworthy, he was always really nice to Mikey, so even as uneasy as he felt about it, he decided that telling Gerard things wouldn’t hurt.

Mikey says: i’m 16. you?

Gerard says: 27.

Twenty-seven. That’s an eleven year difference. The uneasy feeling increased, but Mikey decided to ignore it and keep talking to Gerard. He was interesting, to say the least. His MSN icons were usually of him or his artwork, which was really cool, even if Mikey wasn’t that in to things like art.

Mikey says: oh. that’s cool.

Ugh, awkward internet silence. Mikey thought. He searched his mind for something to say, to break the awkward pause in their conversation, but came up with nothing. It was Gerard who talked next.

Gerard says: Yeah, I guess. So you’re still in high school?

Mikey says: yeah

Gerard says: Do you like it?

Mikey says: it’s kind of a drag, i don’t really have that many friends.

Gerard says: That’s how I was in high school. You’ll grow out of it.

Mikey says: god i hope so.

Gerard says: Don’t worry about it, Mikey. High school sucks, but it will end.

Mikey’s head snapped up. Someone was knocking at the door.

Mikey says: thanks, gerard. i’ve gotta go, i’ll talk to you later. :)

Mikey signed off and shut the laptop, gently moving it from his lap to the couch, making sure it could in no way be harmed. After looking at it for a while and thinking about his conversation with Gerard, he heard someone yell through the door.

“Mikey! Opened the fucking door! It’s Ray and Bob,” he recognized Ray’s voice. Putting the conversation at the back of his mind, Mikey went to answer the door.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

You’re Obsessed

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 09:28:55 GMT

Title: You’re Obsessed
Pairing: Frank/Mikey
Rating: NC-17
Author: bestxwillxfall
Summary: Amidst all of the recent excitement of the release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, Frank manages to find time in his busy schedule to sit down, read, and actually finish the book, well, he could finish it if Mikey didn’t keep interrupting him.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen.
Warning: If you haven’t read Harry Potter 6 yet and you plan to, I suggest you not read this.

‘“I’m not worried Harry,” said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water. "I am with you."’ Oh jesus christ, why is this so fucking emotional? Frank thinks as he sets down the book for a second. He’d managed to find a few spare moments to squeeze in some quality time with his good friend, Harry Potter.

“Where are you at?” Mikey climbs into Frank’s chair, nestling himself comfortably next to him. He stares at the book and then at Frank.

“Not done,” Frank replies hurriedly, never taking his eyes off the pages. Mikey shifts positions, making Frank lose concentration for a fracture of a second. He shrugs off the sudden movements from Mikey and goes back to reading, but shortly after he had submerged himself into the creative works of JK Rowling, Mikey shifted positions again and whimpered a little.

“Would you stop that?” Frank snapped, looking at Mikey for the first time. “I’m trying to read,”

“I’m sorry,” Mikey laid his head on Frank’s chest innocently, closing his eyes and then saying: “Will you read it to me?”

“Jesus Mikey, no. Stop talking, stop moving,” Frank demanded, once again immersing himself into complete mental solitude, ignoring everything going on around him. Mikey creatively tried to get Frank’s attention again, but his attempts were foiled by Frank’s sheer ignorance and determination.

Mikey sighed in exasperation. “Would you put down the book and fuck me?!” Mikey yelled at Frank, who continued to ignore him, turning a page slowly.

“Frank? FRANK?!” But Frank still stared at the book, as if every fiber of his being was concentrated on each printed word, concentrating on blocking Mikey out. He looked at the book and frowned. Mikey growled. “That’s it.” He made a grab for the book, but Frank raised it above his head, temporarily out of Mikey’s reach.
“Mikey! Go away!” Frank warned, trying to kick Mikey off the chair.

“No! Give me the fucking book!” But Frank had already rolled off the recliner, running for the bathroom, hoping to reach it and lock the door before Mikey had gotten a hold on him. “Frank! You’re obsessed!” Mikey yelled through the door. “Get out here now!”

“No!” Frank yelled back, opening the book to the page where he had left off. He set the toilet lid down and sat on it, much less comfortable than the recliner, but certainly away from Mikey’s reach. Mikey, however, had no intentions of letting Frank get off that easy. He was banging on the door loud enough for anybody within fifty feet of them to hear.

“You know, most guys would like to have someone as attractive as me begging them to fuck me,” he said, jiggling the door knob. Frank disregarded all evidence of Mikey’s existence and started reading. He hunched over, and then leaned back, trying to find a comfortable position to stay in for the next hour or so. Eventually Mikey’s unfaltering insults and jabs at Harry Potter’s personal life thinned out, and half an hour later, had come to an all out stop.

Mikey went back to the recliner, his arms crossed and his legs spread open. A frown had replaced the angelic look that was supposed to seduce Frank into forgetting about Hermione and Ron for a moment. He sighed loudly many times, hoping Frank would take notice and come out of the bathroom, but he never came. Mikey decided that falling asleep would be the only instant solution to all of this.

“Mikey, Mikey, wake up,” it was Frank. Mikey had fallen asleep on his own command, he looked at the clock. It read 12:34 AM. He dragged his eyes from the clock to Frank, whose eyes were red and puffy.

“Could it really have been that bad?” Mikey complained, trying to take up the recliner, but Frank pushed him over so he could fit, too. He snuggled in close to Mikey, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

“Yes,” Frank replied. Mikey rested his hand on Frank’s thigh, whom was slightly shaking.

“What happened?” He asked gently, his hand slowly moving up and down Frank’s thigh, which sent small tingling sensation up and down his legs.

“Dumbledore died,” Frank whispered, burying his face into Mikey’s chest.

“Frank, can I tell you something?” Mikey said softly and sweetly, moving his hand from Frank’s thigh to his chin, cupping his face and lifting it so their eyes met directly. Frank nodded slowly. “It’s not real,” Mikey smirked. Frank rolled his eyes and batted away Mikey’s hand.

“It’s still sad,” he said in defense.

“Want me to cheer you up?” Mikey cooed, his hands slowly working at Frank’s belt, but Frank shook his head.

“I think I’m still distraught by the events that have taken--” but Mikey had responded to Frank’s smart-ass tone before he could say anything more. Frank closed his eyes and Mikey’s tongue explored his mouth, a small moan escaping both their throats.

“Could Harry Potter do that for you?” Mikey smirked, his hands once again resuming work on Frank’s belt, whose pants had become strangely tight around his crotch. Frank could feel Mikey’s definite hardness on his thigh, so he weaved his arms through Mikey’s, starting to work on Mikey’s pants.

“One at a time, Frank, one at a time, you’re going to tangle us into a fucking knot,” he giggled, sliding Frank’s belt out of his pants and discarding it on the floor. He went in for another kiss, but was oddly blocked by Frank eagerly working on undoing Mikey. Mikey giggled again and watched Frank, slightly entertained, lustfully unbutton and unzip Mikey’s pants.

“Ow, fuck! Could you be a little more careful?” Mikey snapped, pulling off his own shirt, adding to the heap of clothes on the floor.

“Sorry, baby,” Frank whispered, his hands running up and down Mikey’s bare and smooth chest. Now is probably the time to get your own shirt off, he thought. It was amazing how the two managed to be rid of their clothes (and shoes) and still maintain a steady and safe position the entire time on the recliner.

“Should we go to bed?” Frank suggested, but Mikey shook his head.

“No, no I want you right here.”

“It would probably be easier if we just went to the bed,” he said, but Mikey bit his lip and looked innocent, like a puppy. “Don’t use that fucking face on me,” Frank warned, holding up his index finger. “I know what you’re doing, and it’ won’t work.” But Mikey had already won.

Frank spread his legs; he figured Mikey had already taken control of the situation a long time ago. Frank thought that him assuming command over the situation would not only be foolishly optimistic, but would turn Mikey off. And he couldn’t have that happen.

“Fuck, Mikey, what about the lu-”

“No, I’d have to leave the chair,” Mikey retorts, once again plunging his tongue into Frank’s mouth, who seemed to have forgotten about everything else, even Dumbledore’s recent demise.

“So we’re not going to leave-”

“No, we’re not.” Mikey interrupted. Frank was slightly annoyed, but forgot all about it when Mikey wrapped his fist around Frank’s erection, at the same time trying to ease himself into Frank, who gasps in pain and pleasure.

“Oh, fuck, Mikey,” he groans, “touch me, Mikey, fucking touch me,” but Mikey doesn’t listen to him.

“I’ll touch you when I fucking want to,” he growls, thrusting into Frank. Mikey thrusts harder and harder, Frank howling his name. Frank moans loudly and comes hard into Mikey’s fist.

“Fuck, Mikey, fuck,” Frank moans, his eyes shut tight, arms around Mikey’s neck, his hands wanting to touch every inch of his lover.

Mikey releases into Frank, who groans softly. Mikey cursed and pulled out of Frank, shoving him over to the other side of the recliner, squeezing himself in between the arm of the chair and Frank, snuggling into Frank’s neck, his heart beating painfully against his rib cage.

It took a while for them to regain a normal breathing pattern. Frank’s arms moved down to Mikey’s waist, and Mikey wrapped his arms around Frank’s upper body, pulling himself in closer until there was no space left between them, and plenty of space left between him and the arm rest.

“Harry kisses Ginny,” Frank says between two deep breaths.

“You’re still thinking about that fucking book?” Mikey whines, thinking of a way to physically hurt Frank. He looks up at Frank who smirks.

“Who else do you suppose I was thinking about while I was getting fucked?”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Everybody Scream, Everybody Scream

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 06:52:36 GMT

Title: Everybody Scream, Everybody Scream
Pairing: Mikey/Gerard
Rating: PG
Author: bestxwillxfall
Summary: Year: 1993, Mikey is the innocent age of 12 and Gerard the almost innocent age of 16. 1993 marked the year of glory for Tim Burton fans everywhere, the Nightmare Before Christmas made it’s debut, soon to become the trademark of artistic and trendy kids alike. Mikey POV.
Disclaimer: Don’t own, didn’t happen.

I don’t know why I said yes to going, the movie had looked stupid, but Gerard wanted to go desperately, and since none of his friends were able to go, I was his last hope. It was either go with me, or goes alone, and he didn’t want to go alone. I hadn’t liked the previews, to be honest. It looked disturbing and definitely did not look like a kid’s movie.

“C’mon, Mikey, it’ll be fun, a brother bonding time,” he pleaded. It was very rare that I found my older brother down on his knees begging me for something, so I decided to draw it out as long as I could. “Mikey, please,” was all I heard for a week.

“Why do you want to go to opening night, anyway?” I had snapped.

“I don’t know, it’s more fun that way. Will you go with me?”

“Ugh, yes, fine.” After I had said this, Gerard embraced me for much longer than he (in my opinion) should have. Why was he so excited about a stupid movie, anyway?

“Thanks so much Mikey!” He then ran to his room to do god knows what, and I sat at the kitchen table. The Nightmare Before Christmas. The name just sounded stupid. I didn’t want to go, at all.

What? Are you afraid that you’re going to be afraid? I asked myself. No, I’m not, it just looks like a waste of time, and to go on opening day when a billion people will be there? Not exactly my idea of fun. I took off my glasses and cleaned the lenses with my shirt.

But Gee is happy. He wants to go really bad, and you should at least act happy that you’re going, just so he doesn’t feel like a jerk.

It was opening night, and Gee and I were standing in line. I was freezing my ass off, and Gerard had this huge stupid grin on his face. Why was he so excited? He was extremely giddy when he finally got the tickets. When we were inside the theater, I turned to him and snapped:

“Stop looking like an idiot,” his smile faded away almost instantly. I almost felt bad after saying it; after all, I was the younger brother. Shouldn’t he be picking on me? He handed me my ticket forcefully and didn’t say another word until we were in the cinema, comfortable in our seats.

Gerard sighed through all of the previews, but I savored them. Why did I not want to see this movie? What was wrong with me? I’m twelve, I can handle it. I told myself. And then: “Our feature presentation…”

‘T’was a long time ago, longer now than it seems, in a place that perhaps you’ve seen in your dreams. For the story you are about to be told took place in the holiday worlds of old. Now, you’ve probably wondered where holidays come from, if you haven’t I’d say it’s time you begun.’

76 more minutes of pure torture.

-----

It was nearly two hours after we had seen the movie. I had gone straight up to my room, not wanting to listen to Gerard’s praises and hear his speech on how wonderful Tim Burton was. I wasn’t able to sleep, though.

It was a stupid movie, it’s not real. I told myself, but I looked at the shadows being cast on the wall opposite my bed and one of them looked menacingly like the Boogie Man. I pulled my covers over my head and whimpered. You’re twelve. You’re almost a teenager. Get over it.

And I can’t believe you actually held Gerard’s hand during it. I close my eyes and groaned again. Apparently I hadn’t been able to control myself during a few scenes, so I actually grabbed Gerard’s hand. That’s what girl’s do with their dates when they go to like, Nightmare on Elm Street or something. He hadn’t done anything to make me seem like a scared little kid, either. So what could it hurt to go into his room and talk for a while?

I threw off my covers and walked as fast as I could to Gerard’s room, whose reading lamp was on. He set a comic he was reading on his lap and looked at me concernedly.

“Are you alright?” I shook my head. “It scared you, didn’t it?” I nodded. He grinned and tossed his comic aside. “Want to talk about it?” I nodded again and quickly went over to his bed, slipping under the covers and hugging my knees to my chest, resting my head on them.

“It was kind of disturbing,” I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

“Shut up,” I mumbled, looking at my feet.

“You could just go back to your room, you know, alone.” He smirked. I laid down on my side, my back to him.

“Oh, come on Mikey,” His hand grazed up my arm to my shoulder. He turned me over gently; there was no sign of teasing or laughter on his face anymore.

He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me in close, and I folded my arms around his neck, burying my face into his shoulder. He petted my hair, humming some tune that sounded oddly familiar,

“This is Halloween, this is Halloween,” I held him tighter.

“Don’t sing it!” I whispered.

“I can’t help it,” he said, his hand on my chin, lifting my head to look at him. He pressed his lips gently against mine. “Does that make you feel better?” I nodded and rested my head against his chest again.

He would start to sing and I would tense up, but he would just kiss me again and everything would be fine. “Everybody scream, everybody scream,” he imitated the deep voice of the hanging tree, which had been the first thing about that movie to bother me. “In our town of Halloween,” I finished, and he smiled.

We spent all night like that, holding each other, him singing. When he turned off the light I didn’t start to imagine things, but became relaxed. I should go to movies with Gerard more often.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

If You're Careful

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 07:43:04 GMT

Title: If You're Careful
Band/Pairing: Frank/Mikey
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: R
Summary: “Ow! God damn it!” Frank yelled. Mikey wandered towards his voice, wondering what could be wrong. He found Frank on his knees, holding his neck, grimacing. When Mikey appeared, Frank only moved his eyes as far as he could, looking at Mikey to acknowledge his presence.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: Reviews are nice, critisism is wonderful!

“Ow! God damn it!” Frank yelled. Mikey wandered towards his voice, wondering what could be wrong. He found Frank on his knees, holding his neck, grimacing. When Mikey appeared, Frank only moved his eyes as far as he could, looking at Mikey to acknowledge his presence.

“What’s wrong?” Mikey knelt next to Frank, who resumed looking at the ground.

“I think I pinched a nerve or something,” he barely turned his head but a sharp pain coursed through his neck and upper back. He clenched his teeth, “Fuck, ow, fuck.”

Mikey knelt next to him, “You want me to go get someone else?” Frank put his other hand on Mikey’s knee.

“No, what could anyone else do?” Mikey shrugged.

“Well, you want me to go get you a hot towel or something?” He offered, a small look of concern etched on his face. Frank shook his head, and then groaned.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” They sat there for a while, Frank holding his neck, his other hand on Mikey’s knee, supporting himself.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything I could do?” Mikey asks again.

“A massage would be nice,” Mikey murmured in agreement and helped Frank lie comfortably on his stomach. Mikey sat on his back, his legs on either side of Frank’s torso, and he gently massaged Frank’s shoulders and neck.

Frank groaned. “Oh, ow, not there,” Mikey lifted his hand away from the spot Frank told him not to touch. “Jesus, Mikey that hurts!”

“Well, maybe if you told me where not to touch then it wouldn’t!” Mikey snapped back.

“Try my whole neck!” Frank said in a raised voice. He felt the pressure lessen on his back, which meant Mikey was getting off. He apologized, “I’m sorry, don’t leave, please, it just hurts a lot, I’ll try not to be an ass,”

“Apology accepted,” Mikey roughly sat on Frank again, who moaned slightly.

“Was that a moan of pain or pleasure?” Mikey smirked.

“I’m not sure,” Frank closed his eyes as Mikey picked up where he had left off. His arms were stretched horizontally, and Mikey tried hard to suppress the laughing fit that was threatening to overcome him.

“What the fuck are you giggling about?”

“You look like an airplane,” Mikey started to laugh. Hard. Frank clenched his teeth.

“Jesus Mikey, that fucking hurts! Would you stop it?!” Frank yelled. Mikey took control of himself.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Frank didn’t have to look at Mikey’s face to see that he was grinning ear to ear.

“You don’t sound sorry,” once Frank had said this, Mikey leaned his head next to Frank’s, his stomach flat on Frank’s back. His head was in a position such that his mouth was less than an inch away from Frank’s ear.

“I’m not,” he whispered. There was no hesitation in his voice, “Do you think we should try something else, you know, to get rid of the pain?”

Frank’s groin tightened and he moaned slightly. “Anything you can think of would probably just make it worse,”

“Oh, I don’t know about that, what could a little fucking do?”

Frank’s eyebrows rose. “If you fuck me my head will probably snap off,”

“Well, it definitely hasn’t been done before.” Mikey giggled and grinded his crotch into Frank’s ass, who let out a strangled groan.

“Mikey, agh, don’t do that again!”

“Do what?” And sure as hell, Mikey did it again. Frank gasped. “Well, I guess if you think it won’t do any good,” and Mikey stood up. Frank rolled over onto his back.

He hesitated, “Maybe it would work,” he paused and smirked, “if you’re careful,”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Road To Joy 5

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 17:54:03 GMT

Title: Road To Joy 5
Band/Pairing: Frank/David (Simple Plan)
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: R
Summary: Frank's POV. AU. ‘I love you so much. You don’t know how great you’ve made my life; these fourteen years have been like everything amazing and wonderful, even the deaths. I want you to know that I love you so much, not less than Gerard or Mikey, but the same as them. You put so much into us three and I think I haven’t given enough back. But mom, I miss them so fucking much.’ I almost felt bad about cursing in a letter to my mother.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: This be the end, thanks to everyone who read it and thanks to those who left reviews!
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

“Dad?” I thought I was dreaming when I woke up. I saw dad’s face looking directly down at me. “Is it really you?”

“Of course it is, kid, let’s get your stuff, you’re coming home,”

“What? But I thought,”

“No, we can’t afford it anymore, Frank, the insurance won’t pay for it and with your mom and I both working full time, it’s hard to have any time to ourselves, and you hate it here,”

“No, its fine, you don’t have to explain yourself, help me pack?”

“Sure thing,” I was moving so fast we were done in less than five minutes. I dragged my suitcase to the front office, where my mother was talking with a secretary at the front desk about some legal shit that I don’t really care about.

“Can we go now?” I whisper to my dad, who smiles.

“You’re ready to leave, then?” I laugh and he pats me on the back. “Yeah, let’s go,”

It was nice to sleep in my own bed. Nice is an understatement, it was actually wonderful. I think I slept for about twelve hours, and that was just when I got home. I heard my mom complain to my dad about those places not being comfortable enough and the food being horrible. I went down and got some dinner and then picked up the phone. After all, David told me to call him.

“Hello?”

“Hi, this is Frank Iero; I’m calling for David,”

“Frank! You’re out? That fast?”

“My parents couldn’t afford it anymore. Anyway, enough of that, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I’ve been bored as hell without you, do you want to hang out? I could pick you up and we could go somewhere alone,”

“Yeah, that’d be great!” I gave David directions to my house. It had somehow never occurred to me that he could drive, but he was two years older than me, after all. We said our good byes and hung up, and I ran downstairs to tell my mom that a friend and I would be hanging out this evening.

“But you just got home,” my mom said sadly. “I was hoping, oh, never mind.” She smiled. “It’s good if you get out of the house. How late will you be?”

“I don’t know, probably not to late, you can talk to David when he gets here, I’m sure he’ll abide by your guys’ rules,” I grinned. I ran back upstairs and picked out something to wear. It was weird, feeling all giddy inside. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time, not since Gerard, yeah.

When David arrived, he asked to see my room. I sat on the bed as he studied the posters, books and movies. His eyes landed on the three pictures of me, Gerard and Mikey.

“’This them?” he asked, pointing at the pictures.

“Yeah, Gerard is the tallest with the black hair, Mikey has the glasses.”

“How old were you here?” He bends over and examines the picture more closely.
“Oh, the first one was right after I was born, the second is when I was two weeks old, Mikey was one, Gerard was four or five,”

“You were a cute baby.” My cheeks grew hot.

“Thanks.” He smiles at me and sits down next to me on the bed.

“So, are you boys going out tonight or what?” Dad stops by my door and looks at us expectantly.

“Yeah, I’ll have him home by nine or ten. We’re just going to go get something to eat and then hang out for a while, if that’s not a problem.”

Dad shakes his head. “No, it’s fine.”

David and I eat at a fast food restaurant, the first good food I’ve had in a long time. He watches me as I eat and laughs. I don’t bother to find out what he’s laughing at, well, why he’s laughing at the way I eat. I ravenously eat another hamburger and lean back in the booth. There was no conversation shared while eating, and we still had another two hours before I had to be home.

It was dark and we were in David’s car, looking at some building in some empty parking lot. There were no words being shared, but the silence was meaningful. He held my hand and looked at me. I think he was going to break the silence. He bit his bottom lip and said:

“Frank, you really saved my life in there,” I heaved in a breath. “I don’t know how to thank you,”

“You’ve done it already. But it really sucked when you were gone,”

“At least you knew what you were missing. I didn’t even know why there was this hole in me until you came along.” He gave me a soft kiss. “I think we should get you home,” he whispered. Like most of the night, the car ride back to my house was spent in silence, except for when I had to give Pierre a few directions. “Call me again,”

When he left, I felt like absolute shit. I hadn’t wanted him to kiss me, I realized. I hadn’t wanted him to touch me or to love me. I didn’t want anybody to be doing that unless it was Gerard, Mikey or Ray. I hated being the last one; I was always the last one. Why did they all leave me here? I trudged up the stairs to my room; I could hear my dad’s snores.

I stopped by my parents’ room and watched them sleep. My mom was so pretty, she looked like she did in her high school pictures. When was asleep, there was no stress on her, she was happy. My dad had his arm around her and her arm was around his waist. I almost cried looking at them, watching her head go up and down from the breathing on his chest.

I went into my room and got out a piece of paper.

Dear mom,

I love you so much. You don’t know how great you’ve made my life; these fourteen years have been like everything amazing and wonderful, even the deaths. I want you to know that I love you so much, not less than Gerard or Mikey, but the same as them. You put so much into us three and I think I haven’t given enough back. But mom, I miss them so fucking much. I almost felt bad about cursing in a letter to my mother.

Tell Gerard’s dad that he’ll be okay without them, alright? And not to worry, because the only reason Gee left was so he could be with Mikey and take care of him. I think he doesn’t trust Ray enough. I added a smiley face. I want you to know mom, the choice I’m making isn’t because you’re bad parents, it’s because you’re the best parents in the world. You gave me the two best friends that I could ever hope for. Promise me that you and dad will have more kids, because they’ll probably be just as happy as I am.

Oh, tell David I love him, too. He’s an amazing guy, and he helped me a lot in the hell hole. I love him loads, but I don’t think I could ever stay here just for two people, when I know I’ll meet them again in the here after. Mom, I love you.

Love,
Frankie

P.S. Dad, you rock, too. Be sure to teach your next son how to play guitar and pinball as expertly as you do.

I folded the letter and put it in an envelope and addressed it to my mom. I tip toed into their bedroom and put it on her nightstand. I rummaged through their closet for the gun, which for some miraculous reason was still there. I went into my bedroom and took off all my clothes, folding them into neat piles so mom wouldn’t have to take care of them later.

I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower, letting it get hot. I took the gun in with me, making sure the safety was off. When I shot myself, I didn’t want mom to have to clean up the mess. I knew that guts would be everywhere, so I decided that this was the best way to do it.

I also took in the three pictures and stared at them for a while. I wonder if I could take them with me. Of course I couldn’t. I looked at the one of me and Gee the longest. I stepped into the shower, pulling the curtain closed. I laughed at the irony of it all. I was the last one in, now I’ll be the last one out. I thought about Gerard’s smiling face, Mikey’s glasses, and Ray’s hair. Then I thought about mom. How much I loved her, how much she loved me. I sigh happily and pull the trigger.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Road To Joy 4

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 17:48:16 GMT

Title: Road To Joy 4
Band/Pairing: Frank/David (Simple Plan)
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: R (more angst, sadness, and all around unhappy things)
Summary: Frank's POV. AU. “Those boys were so adorable,” she says quietly. “They always had this special connection that somehow you got in on. I remember Gerard’s face when he first saw you. It was adorable. He had this innocent look of wonder on, and he asked if he could hold you. You two just stared at each other for the longest time,” she was beginning to get choked up. “He loved Mikey so much, he loved you so much,” then she was full out crying.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: This was originally to be a one shot thing, then I realized I was in 20 pages on Microsoft word. Enjoy!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3

They let me out of the stupid hell hole to go to Gerard’s funeral. It could have been an open casket, because he had hung himself, so there wasn’t really anything wrong with his body. But it was still closed, and like Mikey’s, there had been a picture and red roses on top of it. There was more shit about celebrating his life and not mourning his death.

I stood alone when they lowered him into the ground. I didn’t cry at all, I didn’t want to cry anymore. I hated Gerard for leaving me alone on this stupid planet. I hated everyone for thinking I need help. I hated Gee’s and Mikey’s mom for leaving them, then none of this would have happened and everything would have been happy. I would have been happy.

Pierre wouldn’t have been happy, though. So three deaths all worked out for one person. Good one, God.

I talked to Gerard and Mikey’s dad after the funeral. “Gee loved you a lot, Frank,” he smiled, then frowned again, his face was twisted, as if he wasn’t trying to cry, “I guess he just loved Mikey more than either of us, huh?”

He hugged me really tight, and I hugged back. We both needed it, but he needed it a lot more than I did. He’d lost his wife and his two sons. I wonder if she knows both of her sons are dead. I got to go home for a little while after the funeral.

But first I went to Gerard and Mikey’s house. I went up to Gee’s room and took the picture of him and Mikey, then the picture of him and me when I was a baby. Looking at it caused a lump to form. He was smiling so wide, all of his teeth showing. His black hair was long even then, and was drooping into his goofy looking face.

When I got home, I set the pictures next to the one of Mikey and me. They all looked good together, and I wished I had a picture of us three. Then I wished even more that I had a picture of me, Ray and the Way brothers. Come to think of it, I had no pictures of Ray. I’m not sure any of us had them, not even Mikey.

I lay down on my bed and my mom came in. She stopped and looked at the pictures.

“Those boys were so adorable,” she says quietly. “They always had this special connection that somehow you got in on. I remember Gerard’s face when he first saw you. It was adorable. He had this innocent look of wonder on, and he asked if he could hold you. You two just stared at each other for the longest time,” she was beginning to get choked up. “He loved Mikey so much, he loved you so much,” then she was full out crying.

I got off my bed and held her, her tears staining my dress shirt. “I just don’t understand why he would ever leave you or his father,”

“We don’t understand a lot of things, mom,”

“How was the funeral?” David had asked me later on that night.

“Stupid. It was a closed casket and it was all about how we should be glad his pain is over, it was a big shit fest and I don’t really want to talk about it,”

I turned out the lights and didn’t even bother to pull the covers over me. David walked over and lifted me off the bed and slid me under the covers. He then joined me, once again wrapping his arms around my waist.

“You shouldn’t sleep alone, tonight,” and I didn’t. When I woke up, he was in his own bed.

We’d spent a lot of time together, at night, in the showers, in study hall. We sat next to each other in group, and it was pretty clear by the end of the month that David was one of the best things to ever happen to me. But it all ended one Monday morning. We (my group) were all gathered next to the exit of the hell hole. David was leaving.

“Apparently I’m cured,” he joked. A few of the guys laughed and shook his hands, he hugged some of them. Then he saw me, standing in the back, looking at my feet. He pushed his way through the small crowd and then hugged me as tight as he always did. “Promise to call me when you get out?” He said softly. I groaned a yes and he grinned at me. “Here’s my number,” he grabbed a sticky note from the front desk and scribbled down a number.

He left with his dad’s arm around his shoulders and his mom walking next to him silently, but there was a definite hop in her step. She was happy to have her son going home, and I should be happy, too. But every night was like hell again, sleeping alone, looking at the empty bed next to me, which was eventually filled by some guy that I refused to even learn the name of.

“If you even look at my brother the wrong way again, I will beat you until you can’t even fucking talk!” Gerard yelled at one of the guys who was an ass to Mikey. He grabbed him by his shirts collar and shoved him next to the wall. “Do you understand me?!” The kid nodded furiously and then Gerard dropped him.

“You didn’t have to do that, Gee! I can take care of myself!” Mikey stood up, wiping the dust off his coat. I had to disagree with him on this point.

“Mikey, the kid was pounding the shit out of you,” he argued, helping Mikey dust himself off.

“I’m not a fucking kid anymore, Gerard,”

“Oh, and cursing makes you older?”

“YOU do it!”

“That’s because I know what it means!”

“Would you two stop it?!” I yelled at them, “I’m tired of hearing it. Mikey, you could at least say thank you.” Mikey muttered ‘thanks’ and we all walked back to my house, where my mom would be making some afternoon snack. We ate and did our homework, Gerard helping Mikey and me, and us watching him struggle with his own, my mom sometimes giving helpful hints.

“Well, I’m done, want to get home Mikey? I think dad is off work now,” Gerard glanced at the clock. It was 6:00.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Mikey packed up his math book and his binder, shoving them into his back pack.

“See you tomorrow,” I said, packing away my own homework, seeing them off and then heading to my room.

I really want to go home. Everything is unbearable at this point, even the talks with the psychiatrist, or therapist, or whatever the hell he is. He just makes me feel stupid and like I have more problems than I really do. I’m tired of talking to him; I just want to go home. Can I tell him that I want to go home?

“There were these kids that would pick on Mikey, and they beat him up once. But Gee came to the rescue, and threatened them. It was really cool.”

“Did you ever stand up to them for Mikey?”

“No, they would have pummeled me, and probably beat up Mikey even worse. He was really small.” There was an awkward silence. “My friend David left a week ago, he was finished. They said he was okay,”

“Do you think he was okay?”

“Yeah, he seemed like he was really happy for once. Like he was actually good, and he was going to make it. I’m glad he’s gone, his mom was really happy to have him come home.”

“Do you think your mom will be happy to have you home?”

“Yeah, she says she misses me a ton. So does dad. I miss them a lot, too. I really want to be home,” Shit. I let it slip. He looks at me really weird, like he wasn’t expecting that I wanted to be home. I guess a lot of guys that go through here aren’t really the kind of guys that actually like their parents. I could be wrong.

“I never told you that Gerard died,” I said. I wanted to tell someone besides David about it. “He committed suicide a few weeks ago, that’s why I was gone. I went to his funeral. There were roses on his coffin, like on Mikey’s, and a picture of him. It did him a lot of justice; it really brought out his personality. Not like Mikey’s. Ray’s did that, too. It looked a lot like he did.

“I don’t like funerals,” I pause, thinking about all the funerals I’d been too, “I remember my grandma died when I was five. She had an open casket, and I hated it. Whenever I think about her, I don’t think about her as the happy person she was. Now I think about her as the dead woman in the coffin.” I look at the clock. “Can I go?”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Road To Joy 3

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 17:44:24 GMT

Title: Road To Joy 3
Band/Pairing: Frank/David (Simple Plan)
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: hard R (for some sex, cursing, and all the stuff that makes us happy)
Summary: Frank's POV. AU. I stared at the two closed coffins. They were a dark wood; I don’t know what kind because I didn’t really care. There were roses on top of them. Red roses. Mikey always liked Roses, which I often teased him for. I guess Ray liked them, too. Or maybe Gerard’s dad and Ray’s parents just put them on Ray’s because Mikey liked them.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: This was originally to be a one shot thing, then I realized I was in 20 pages on Microsoft word. Enjoy!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Taking showers had become my favorite part of the day. It was when I could enjoy myself, be completely alone, and if I closed my eyes it was like I was home again. There was always someone keeping watch in the bathroom, making sure the bulimics didn’t spew when they were in here, among other things. The guy in here right now is named Jim. Some call him Jimmy. He’s a pretty cool guy; he’s the only one here that really seems to understand people with problems like ours.

As I step into the hot shower I hear someone else enter the bathroom, but I don’t bother see who it is. Instead I stick my face right under the faucet, letting the water burn my face and run down my body. I can almost feel every drop fall off my finger. Someone starts a shower in another stall. I can hear them opening it and closing, and it sounds ridiculously close. I open my eyes and turn around. I almost scream when I see that I’m not the only one in my shower.

David puts his finger to his lips. He slid his hands around my waist and whispers,

“I’ve been waiting for someone like you to come here, Frank.” He kisses my neck and runs his hands up and down my back, and then over my ass. I suddenly realize that our crotches are pressed together and erections are coming right around the corner.

I don’t really want to say anything, and I’m not even sure I want to be here, but something is telling me not to leave. David kisses me softly and I kiss back. It was the first time I had seen a boy (other than myself) naked. Hell, it was the first time I had seen anyone other than myself naked, and David was beautiful.

He backed me up against the shower wall and got down on his knees. It took me a while to figure out what he was doing, but then I remembered what I’d read and seen on the internet. It wasn’t long before I was having my first ever sexual encounter with another human being. I wouldn’t have known if David was experienced or not, and it wasn’t as if it mattered, the waves of pleasure that were coursing through my body were enough to make me give as little a fuck as possible about anything else in the world.

When it was over he stood up, kissing me again, but a different taste was in his mouth, which I could only assume was essence of me. I moaned softly, hoping not to catch Jim’s attention. David grabbed my shampoo and started washing my hair; the guy was actually washing my hair. Something about it made me start giggling uncontrollably, but silently. He grinned and kissed me again, his hands feeling me up and down. They were considerably more slippery because of the shampoo.

“Would you say that’s enough for now?” He whispered. I shook my head, but he just laughed at me and went into his own shower. I rinsed my hair out and left as quickly as possible. When I was back in our room, I got into my pajamas faster than I could ever remember putting them on before. I slipped under the covers of my bed and tried to fall asleep, but the image of David sucking me off was still in my brain.

When the door opened, I took a deep breath. I didn’t know what he was going to do. He went to his own side of the room and started undressing. He could probably tell I wasn’t asleep because my breaths were too deep and there was no specific pattern to them. There was a silence. Then I felt the other side of my bed weigh down, and him lift the covers up. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Frank, I’ve been waiting for you, you don’t know how fucking long,” he whispered. I held one of his hands as he kissed my neck. “All the other guys that were here were real bastards, all the other guys that are here are real bastards, but you,” he paused, “you’re different. I don’t know, you just are.”

“I’m glad I’m your roommate,” I didn’t know what else to say, but I knew that was true. “I guess I mean thanks, like, really thanks, David.” I could feel him smile. I had no trouble sleeping in that position.

I stared at the two closed coffins. They were a dark wood; I don’t know what kind because I didn’t really care. There were roses on top of them. Red roses. Mikey always liked Roses, which I often teased him for. I guess Ray liked them, too. Or maybe Gerard’s dad and Ray’s parents just put them on Ray’s because Mikey liked them.

The service seemed to go on for hours, and I hated it. It was all about the “celebration of these two young boys’ great lives, not the mourning of their deaths”, which is a load of shit. Why can’t I just be sad that they’re gone? They should’ve lived really long lives, and we would’ve grown old together. Mikey and I talked about going to college together, but now I guess that dream was gone.

So was he.

I cried a lot at that time, looking at the picture of Mikey on top of his coffin. He was smiling in it, and it didn’t fit him. Mikey never smiled in the days I knew him, only once or twice. This stupid gay looking Mikey staring at me was the Mikey that didn’t really exist, the Mikey that was there only when his stupid mom was around. It was all her fault that her son is gone. I wonder if she even knows he’s dead. Along with another boy that she never knew.

Gerard stood next to me with his arm around my shoulders when we were outside, my arm was around his waist. He was crying, and it was weird to see. He hadn’t cried at all during the service, but I guess the burial made things more final. It was like, the last time he was going to see Mikey, ever. After this, it was just him and his dad.

“How long had you known Mikey and Gerard?”

“For my whole life, their mom and my mom were best friends, like I said,” I stopped for a second, recalling a few memories, “they were there when I was born. Gerard even has a picture of him holding me when I was a baby; it’s in his room next to his bed, next to the one with Mikey and him.

“There’s also a picture of me and Mikey when I was born and when he was one. He’s standing up next to me touching my face, my mom is holding me in that picture, and she’s smiling in it, so is Mikey. I was asleep in it, and was wrapped in a bunch of blankets and stuff. That picture is in my room,”

There was a long silence. I think he was waiting for me to talk again, so I did.

“But we’ve been friends forever, my mom thinks of Gerard and Mikey as her two other kids, basically. When their mom left, she helped their dad out a lot, like, driving them to school and making their lunches and stuff. She was always really happy to do it.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Iero.” Gerard said politely as he grabbed his brown bag from the kitchen counter, it had his name on it. So did Mikey’s and mine.

“Anytime, Gerard.” We all piled into my mom’s minivan and headed to school, well, Mikey and I headed to ours, Gerard to his. He was in his seventh grade year in middle school already. Mikey and I still had yet to finish fourth. She always dropped Gerard off first, who waved until we were out of his sight. Mikey would always still look out the back window, just to see if he could get one more wave in.

“So, what’s in store for you two today?” She would ask happily, turning a corner. We were about a ten minutes drive to the elementary school.

“Well, ‘Teach has got us learning something about something,” I would joke, and she would smile. Mikey would make frequent checks out the windows, I never knew why.

“As long as you’re learning something,” she would sigh and then drop us off, waving good bye and blowing kisses. It probably should have been embarrassing at our age, but I didn’t really care, either did Mikey. We walked slowly to our classroom, to waste the extra five minutes that we had. We set our backpacks under our chairs and shuffled through our desks.

Then the jerks would enter. They always liked to pick on Mikey because he was small and had glasses, even if he was older than them. They strutted up to Mikey’s desk and leaned in to it, squeezing Mikey between his desk and the one behind him. His breathing would become shorter and shallower.

“So what’s the widdew fouw eyes got in his lunch today?” The biggest one would tease, and one of them would grab his lunch. He stuck his hand in there and mashed it around, ruining everything that my mom had so lovingly made and packed. When Mikey got his lunch back, it was nothing but a crunched, brown blob. The boys sat in there own desks, laughing.

Mikey pushed his away, evening it out with mine, and then grabbed his lunch and threw it away. He laid his head down on his desk and sighed. I leaned over and whispered words of encouragement to him, offering him my lunch and I could use my money to buy my own, and that I liked school food better. He just shrugged and said no thanks.

Bert reminded me of those jerks in fourth grade. Those jerks that had the nerve to show up at Mikey’s funeral. But a lot of people had shown up at Mikey’s funeral. Their parents probably made them go. I had pointed them out to Gerard in anger, who simply just sighed and said that it was fine. Whoever wanted to come could come. This had only infuriated me more and then I demanded that my mom take me home.

I was sitting in study hall, fingering a letter that I had got in the mail today. It was from my mom, and I didn’t want to open it just yet. I kind of wanted to wait until I got back into my room, but I didn’t know if Pierre wanted to do something at that time. I had a fear that the guys would read it over my shoulder, but then I realized that I didn’t care. I tore open the envelope and began to read. It was stained with water, or something. The writing was kind of shaky and smudged.

Frankie,

I hope you’re learning a lot and getting better every day. Your father and I miss you more than anything in the world. It is so quiet around here without your laughter and yelling. It makes me heartsick to think about the times when you and Mikey were four and Gerard was eight, I couldn’t ever believe that an eight year old would still play with his four year old brother and friend and enjoy it.

And Frank, I hate to write this down. I wanted to call you so bad, tell you everything, but I fear that my crying would have made it hard for you to understand a word I said, and I hope my tears don’t mess up my writing to much, but Frankie, Gerard committed suicide last night.

I stopped reading for a second. My chest tightened and a lump grew in my throat. Some of the guys looked at me as my eyes began to well up with tears.

Baby, I know this is hard to read. I wish more than anything that I didn’t have to write it down. Gerard’s father is a wreck, his hair is turning gray by the minute, and there hasn’t been a moment where I

But I didn’t finish. I crumpled the paper up and threw it on the table. One of the guys opened it and read it, first starting to laugh at me because what she had said in the first paragraph, but his eyes grew wide and then he looked at me.

“Oh shit Frank, I’m sorry, man,” but I didn’t stick around to hear their sympathies. I ran up to my room and flopped down on my bed, sobbing into my pillow. How could Gerard leave me so alone? I needed him more than ever. He wasn’t even going to go to college, just so he could stick around and be there for me, and now, god, this is worse than going to college.

“Frank, what’s wrong?” It was David; I had been so determined to get to my bed that I didn’t even see him when I had stormed in.

“Gerard, he,” but I was crying too hard to get anything out. He sat down on my bed and held me.

“It’s okay, calm down and tell me what’s wrong,”

“Gerard fucking killed himself last night,” I wasn’t even sure what last night was. I hadn’t looked at the date on the letter.

“Holy fuck, I’m so sorry Frank,” he held me tighter and let me cry into his shoulder.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Road To Joy 2

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 10:33:02 GMT

Title: Road To Joy 2
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Ray (With members of The Used, Simple Plan and Taking Back Sunday)
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: R
Summary: Frank's POV. AU. “Gerard, they aren’t, oh god, please no,” I cry. I ran towards the house, trying to find a hole, anything, that would let me in. Nothing. There was nothing. Only a small opening that appeared to be completely black. I looked in, calling out Mikey and Ray’s names. No reply. My eyes adjusted to the darkness.
Warning: Character death, angst, and all around sadness. I have yet to write something happy.
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: This was originally to be a one shot thing, then I realized I was in 20 pages on Microsoft word. Enjoy!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1

"So what happened?” he said, crossing his legs. I’m currently lying on the couch, having a comfortable, but yet restless, time. He keeps asking me questions and all I want to do is lie on the couch. “With Ray and Gerard? Did they fight?”

“No, they actually became best friends. We four spent the summer attached at the hips. We were all always over at Gerard and Mikey’s house, spending the night, watching movies. Whatever we felt like doing. There was one time when I spent an entire week at their house, not even going home for new clothes. I just wore Mikey’s,”

““Here, you can have this,” Mikey threw an oversized white shirt at me. I looked at the design on it.

“Who are The Smiths?” I ask, pulling the shirt over my head. The sleeves reach down to my elbows.

“An eighties band, they’re great,” Mikey smiles and throws me a pair of pajama bottoms. We sit on his bed for a while; Gerard and Ray are downstairs in a deep conversation.

“Do you like anyone?” he asks suddenly.

“Well, at school, yeah. There’s this one girl, she’s really cool. But I’m not sure about it.” I examine my bare feet, wiggling my toes. “How about you?”

“I think I have a crush on Ray,” I jump off the bed.

“But he’s a guy!” I nearly shout. Mikey puts his finger to his mouth, telling me to either shut up or speak softer.

“I know! But I can’t help it,”

“Well, it wouldn’t matter, he’s fourteen, and he wouldn’t ever go for you. Have you told Gerard?” Mikey’s eyes went wide. He shook his head furiously.

“No! And don’t say anything about it, he’d probably go insane.”

I nodded. “Sure thing.”

Lying on my bed, thinking about the old times. My session ended an hour ago, and I had nothing else to do. I couldn’t wait to get out of here. Maybe my parents would stop paying for it if I just said I wouldn’t attempt suicide again? But that’s a lie. I know I would once I got out. Maybe there’s something here that I could use.

David is my roommate, and he’s as silent as I am. He stares at the ceiling like I do, examining it for non existent cracks and flaws. He sighs and rolls over on his side, his back facing me. I decide to say something.

“Does it always suck this much?”

“It gets worse. But sometimes it’s okay,” he responds quickly, “sometimes they have good dinners or lunches. And there’s a work out room.”

“Is group always that,” I pause for the right word, “painful?” He laughs at me and nods.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it.”

“You know, Frank, shaving your legs isn’t all that bad, I can see why girls do it,” Gerard commented, feeling up and down his shins. There was no trace of hair on them. “It’s all smooth and nice to the touch.”

“Sure, Gee. Have you seen Mikey?”

“I think he went to his house.” Gerard pulled his pant leg down. “Ray called and said he saw him go in there, I’m not sure if he’s still there.”

“We’ve got to do something about him,” I said. “I’m tired of him going there to be so alone, he knows he has us.”

“Let’s go,” At the time, it seemed like a good idea to check on Mikey, but when we found him and Ray making out at the bottom of the staircase, Gerard was irate.

“THIS IS WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING THE PAST THREE WEEKS?!” he roared. Mikey tried to back away from him, but was blocked by the bottom three steps. “You’ve been using mom as a fucking excuse to make out with Ray?!” Gerard turned his attention towards Ray, Mikey took his hand for comfort. “And you, that’s disgusting. You’re fourteen! He’s ten! Ray, I thought you had better judgment than that!”

I sat behind Gerard, cross legged, playing with the dirt and discarded nails. A few steps were missing on the staircase, the seventh and the second to last. One of them had half caved in.

Ray stood up to Gerard. “I do have judgment, Gerard! Do you think I would just go off with some ten year old because I felt like it?! I really like Mikey, I have since I met him. Why can’t you just be happy about that?”

“Because I don’t want him to get hurt again!” Gerard shouted. I looked up from my small pile of nails. Gerard held out his hand. “C’mon Mikey, let’s go,” but Mikey shook his head.

“No, I want to stay with Ray,” he actually refused Gerard. The scene was becoming more interesting than my pile of nails by the second.

“So did Mikey stop seeing Ray?” he asks.

“No, he didn’t. They met at that house everyday, and Gerard gave up on caring about it.”

“What about you? What did you have to say about it?”

“Nothing, really. I didn’t care; Mikey had gotten what he wanted. I was glad for him.”

“Were you?” he asks. He doesn’t trust me. The bastard doesn’t trust me. Would I lie about any of this? Would I say something that weren’t true about Mikey? I watch the clock. Twenty-five more minutes of this shit.

“Yes, yes I was.” I say forcefully. “Mikey finally found something that took his mind off his mom.”

“What about your mom? You’ve never told me about her.”

“Oh, well, she’s really a great mom. She takes care of me, but doesn’t baby me. She was best friends with Gerard and Mikey’s mom.”

“Do you have any other friends?”

“Not really. Just those three. I was so excited for school; I knew it was going to be the best with Mikey there. We were going to be in the same class, and Ray and Gee had a few classes together, like choir and math.” And now Gee and I are going to be alone again. Only he will have graduated, and I’ll have absolutely no one with me in high school. A lump swells in my throat at the thought of it.

“What about Gerard’s dad?”

“Gerard, where’s your brother?” Gee’s dad called from the kitchen. “It’s nearly dinner, and he hasn’t been home for an hour,”

“He’s with Ray,” Gee and I were watching a movie in his living room. Some horror movie about a girl who walks through a house in her night gown and then gets slashed up. Well, that could be any horror movie, but this one was better than the other ones.

“What do those to do?” his dad teased. “They’re always together, aren’t they? Well, when they aren’t with you two.” He brought us plates full of food. Gee’s dad had proved himself a wonderful cook. “You two finish up and then go find him, he can’t be far.”

I wish we would have savored those precious mouthfuls. I left Gerard’s house after I was done, thanking his dad for the food and set out for home. Gerard walked on the other side of the street towards Mikey’s house. When I got home, I collapsed on my bed. One more week, and then school will start.

A few more weeks until school would start, and then the homework would start pouring in. I’d get to spend my days in the study hall, listening to Bert humming his own made up tunes and watching Quinn doze off with his headphones on. David was constantly writing things. I asked him what he was writing one day, and he said he was writing to his girlfriend.

I asked Bert about it later. “Yeah, they are. But his girlfriend’s dead. Why do you think he tried to kill himself?” I shuddered. I felt so bad for David; I knew what it was like to lose someone that you loved.

CRASH. I had dozed off for only a few moments, but was woken up by a crash coming from across the street. I looked out my window to see what had happened. Mikey’s house was lying in a pile of rubble.

“Oh god, please don’t let them have been in there,” I prayed, grabbing my jacket and running out of the house. I found Gerard on his knees outside the house, his face buried in his hands.

“Gerard, what happened?!” I said it loudly. I tried to keep my voice down, but so much panic was there that I couldn’t help it.

“I tried to get them out, but they told me to go away, and then when they finally started to go down the stairs,” but he started crying. I felt my chin quivering.

“Gerard, they aren’t, oh god, please no,” I cry. I ran towards the house, trying to find a hole, anything, that would let me in. Nothing. There was nothing. Only a small opening that appeared to be completely black. I looked in, calling out Mikey and Ray’s names. No reply. My eyes adjusted to the darkness.

“No,” I saw a hand barely on top of a pile of collapsed wood. “No, god, no, NO!” I tried to reach it, but it was no use. If my head was clear at the time, I probably would have realized that the hand was ten feet away. I screamed Mikey’s name, expecting a reply, needing a reply. Tears were streaming down my cheeks; the fingers of the hand didn’t move, nothing moved, just the dust, which was beginning to settle.

Nothing came. I realized that my arm was still extending, reaching out for Mikey, I didn’t want him to be gone. Someone was tugging at my shoulders, willing me to move. I held on tight to the frame of the opening, telling the person to go away. I had to save Mikey.

“Frank, honey, Mikey’s gone,” it was mom. I turned around; her face was stained with tears, her eyes red and puffy. I had never seen mom like this before. My crying became worse and she took me in her arms. I looked at the sidewalk, and found Gee and his dad kneeling together, his dad’s arm around his shoulder, both of them crying tears that were more frequent and bigger than my own.

“Who found you the first time you tried to commit suicide?” he asks, crossing his legs and folding his hands, setting them on his lap.

“My mom, she came in to say that lunch was ready. I heard her saying to dad later on that she had yelled and screamed, and when I didn’t wake up, she called 911. Dad had been at work.”

“How long ago was that?”

“Three years ago, about a year after Mikey and Ray died.”

“What about the second time?”

“My mom, again. I was sitting in my room, my dad was at work, and she was doing the laundry downstairs. I knew where my dad hid a gun, in case of intruders or criminals or something, so I went into their room and took it. I went back to my room because I didn’t want to make a mess in my parent’s,

“Anyway, I had a lot of hesitations, when I pulled the trigger the first time, the gun didn’t go off because the safety was on. So the second time I tried not to hesitate, and just to pull the trigger. But mom walked in on me, carrying a basket of folded clothes. She dropped them and stared at me.” Her eyes were the worst part about it. I hadn’t ever seen her eyes like that.

“Can I go?” I ask after a long silence. “I don’t want to say anything else, so can I just go?”

“We still have ten minutes,” he says, slightly tilting his head. So I don’t say anything for the next ten minutes and rush out of the room before he has time to get up and open the door for me.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Road to Joy 1

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 08:39:21 GMT

Title: Road to Joy 1
Band/Pairing: Mikey/Ray (With members of The Used, Simple Plan and Taking Back Sunday)
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Summary: Frank's POV. AU. “Are they the ones that were in the accident?” The accident. Is that what they’re calling it now? Yes, yes they did die. A fucking house fell in on them. They had no chance once those pillars gave out. So why do you have to bring it up again? Why can’t you just assume?
Disclaimer: This didn’t happen, and if it did, I’d be sad.
Notes: This was originally to be a one shot thing, then I realized I was in 20 pages on Microsoft word. Enjoy!

“So why don’t you tell me where it all began?” he says. I ignore him and look at the shelves in his office. Self help books are piled in the book case, drab curtains hang over the only window. Nothing about his office is exciting, nothing that should distract me. Even the books and video tapes have gray or black covers. Instead of talking I look at the carpet, studying it’s out of date, multicolored fashion.

“Frank?” he says again. “I know it’s hard to talk at first, but you have to say something. Starting at the beginning is always easiest.” I am silent. When it comes to this, nothing is easy. Why do I need a therapist, anyway? “Well, let me talk about you, if you don’t seem to think you need my help.

“Apparently you tried to commit suicide,” he looked from my file to me. “More than once?” You would too, if you had been what I’d been through. I just want to talk to them again, want to see their faces. Is that such a crime?

“Why did you do it?” He asks, closing the file, his eyes boring down on me. I shrug and look out the window.

“I just wanted to see them again,” I stop there. That’s more than he needs to know, and I’m reluctant to say that.

“Them?” He sets the file aside and stares at me, but not as if he’s trying to get information out of me. He just wants to talk to me.

“Mikey and Ray.” It almost hurt to say their names. So many memories came flooding back, like Mikey’s rare smile, or Ray’s out of control hair.

“Who are they?”

“My friends.”

“Are they the ones that were in the accident?” The accident. Is that what they’re calling it now? Yes, yes they did die. A fucking house fell in on them. They had no chance once those pillars gave out. So why do you have to bring it up again? Why can’t you just assume?

“Yes.” I say sternly.

“When did you first meet them?” He asks in such a way that he’s trying to get to know me, not to get information out of me. I wonder how Gee is doing; he was so lost after it had happened.

“Ray moved here four years and two months ago, he had heard Mikey in the empty house in our neighborhood,”

“The house?”

“Yeah, it’s abandoned, and was in shabby condition, Mikey went there a lot. After his mom left, anyway.”

“How old was Mikey?”

“He was six when she left, Gerard was ten.” He looked at me, puzzled. “Gee, Gerard is Mikey’s brother.” I decide that continuing wouldn’t hurt. “Mikey went to that house a lot; I think he felt safe there or something. I knew just to leave him alone, Gerard and I knew that he just needed to be alone.”

“What did he do in the house?”

“I heard him crying once. But I think he mostly just went there to be alone, to think things over. Sometimes he took a picture of his family, when his mom was still there.” It had hit Mikey so hard. I had heard him crying a lot over it, but I don’t tell him this. “Ray was new to the neighborhood,”

I was just on an afternoon walk, thinking about making my way to Gee’s to see what was going on. I know a fourteen year old wouldn’t want to hang out with a nine year old, but Gerard was a nice guy. I knew that from the first time I met him, he was really cool. He wasn’t like all of the other older guys that I had met.

I stopped when I heard yelling coming from Mikey’s house, his escape house. One of the voices I recognized as Gerard’s, but the other was unfamiliar. I knew an intrusion would be something that Gerard wouldn’t want, but I went inside anyway. The door was unlocked and swung open when I barely pushed it. The hinges made a loud screech, and the voices upstairs stopped.

I walked up there, wondering what I would find. I found Mikey next to a wall, hugging a frame, his face streaked with tears. Gerard was standing on the opposite side of the room, and an unfamiliar boy was standing opposite him. The boy was at first insane looking, his hair was completely out of control and his mouth (well, at least his lips) were huge.

“Frankie, what are you doing here?” Gerard asked, annoyed by my sudden appearance.

“I heard yelling, and I knew your voice, I wanted to see if everything was okay,” I explained.

“It’s fine,” The boy with the hair scoffed at this. Gerard shot him a hateful look. “If I catch you touching my brother again,”

“Oh my god!” he yelled before Gee could finish, “I wasn’t touching him! I heard crying, so I came in here to check it out, found him,” he pointed at Mikey, “on the floor. I kneeled down next to him and asked him what was wrong, where his parents were, and he just clung to me! Is that my fault?”

“Are you new to the neighborhood?” I asked. Now it was his turn to be annoyed with me.

“Yes.”

“Hi, I’m Frank Iero.” I offered my hand and he shook it gratefully.

“Ray Toro,” he replied. “I should just go, I’m sorry for disturbing you, err,”

“Gerard.” I said. “And that’s Mikey.” I pointed at Mikey who was now silent. Gerard gave me a warning look which I took as meaning not to give out any more information to Ray.

“Yeah, you better go,” Gerard said, picking up Mikey. “I’m sorry for getting so worked up, I’m kind of,”

“Overprotective?” Ray finished. Gee nodded. “I would be, too.” Ray said and left. A few minutes later, Gee left, carrying Mikey delicately in his arms, and I followed. We were walking side by side (Mikey had fallen asleep) when he said:

“You shouldn’t have been there, you know not to bother Mikey,” he said.

“I’m sorry, I heard yelling and I wanted to see if Mikey was okay. I’m really sorry, Gee. Why were you in there, anyway?” If no one was allowed to bother Mikey, then why did he go in there in the first place?

“Dad needed us, and Mikey had been gone for a few hours, which is longer than usual.” I walked with Gerard back to his house, watched him lay Mikey down on his bed. Sometimes, even though I was a year younger, I felt so much older than Mikey. He never really grew up after his mom left; it would be hard to believe he was ten if you met him.

“Want me to walk you home? It’s getting dark,” Gerard offered. I shook my head.

“I’ll be fine, thanks.” And I head for home, thinking about Ray, thinking about Mikey.

I look at the clock. It’s been one hour; I should be allowed to go. I’ve told him enough already, and I don’t want to say anything more. I want to go home, but realize I’m just going to have to go back to group therapy or whatever shit they set me up with at this “hospital”.

“Well, that’s certainly an improvement,” he said, standing up, making his way towards the door. He opens it so I can leave. I’m not reluctant to take advantage of this kind gesture; I’m out of there in a matter of seconds.

If talking to a therapist of a psychiatrist was hard, group was a thousand times harder. Sharing your problems with a professional is one thing, sharing them with a group of people is another. My group is made up of kids who actually have a reason for being here. All I do is miss my friends.

Bert is here for cutting. I think he’s the only one that is. I don’t know, I hardly listen in group. It’s a waste of time; I’m not going to learn anything from anybody else. Why couldn’t I have done it right the first time? Swallowing a bottle of sleeping pills is supposed to do it, but no. They can still pump your stomach. And you didn’t have the courage to pull the trigger.

There are four other guys. Bob is one, and he’s a big guy. He eats a lot; I think it has something to do with emotional problems and bad parenting. He’s a good guy, just kind of messed up. Quinn doesn’t eat anything and either does Adam, or what Adam does eat, he throws it up. If he can. I don’t know why David is here; I think he made a suicide attempt once.

Since I’m new to the group, they’re introducing and telling something about themselves. Mostly just their problems. I don’t feel like listening, so I don’t. Instead, I think about Gerard and how he’s doing. His dad couldn’t afford to send him here, and I was crushed when I heard it. I hated being on my own.

“So why are you here, Frank?” Adam asks, smiling brightly. I opt to look out the window instead of look at him. Stop smiling, you stupid fuck. What is there to smile about here?

“Should we guess?” Bert suggests. It’s a sick suggestion. “Perhaps cutting? Or bulimia, you look like you don’t get anything in your system,” the group laughs softly.

“I tried to kill myself,” they stop laughing and stare at me. I said is so quiet that I wasn’t sure that hey could hear me. “Twice.”

“Holy fuck! And you failed? Both times?” Bert asked, but I don’t answer him. David is staring at me, and I want so bad to disappear.

“Hey, Ray!” I called out to him, he was walking past my house, and I thought a friendly face would do him well. But I wasn’t sure if my face was that friendly to him. “Wait up!” I ran off the porch and joined him on the sidewalk.

“Is Mikey alright?” It’s the first thing he asks. I nod. Even though it’s a lie, Mikey goes through the cycle almost every week. He’ll get better eventually. “Good. I felt really bad for him, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“How old are you?” I change the subject quickly. I don’t feel like talking about Mikey.

“I’m fourteen. And you?”

“Nine.”

“Really? I wouldn’t have thought that. Mikey said he was ten. You look older than him, not in a bad way. Just, wiser I guess.”

“Oh.” His hands are in his pockets. I mimic his posture. “Are you going to be in eighth grade? Cause Gee is going to be, and he’s fourteen.”

“Yeah, I am. You’ll be going onto…?”

“Fifth.” I felt like such a child. “I’m going to be ten in two months, though, when school starts again. Mikey turned ten a while ago, but he started late so we’re in the same grade.”

“That’s cool.” I got the distinct feeling that Ray didn’t think it was very cool, but I decided not to say anything. “Does he go in that house a lot?”

“Yeah, ever since his mom left, anyway.”

“It’s kind of dangerous, I mean, it’s like it’s going to fall down any second. All of the floors creaked when I was in there, and the house kind of swayed,”

“Yeah well, that’s probably why it was condemned.” I say sarcastically. Ray grins.

“So that’s why you tried it? Tried to kill yourself, I mean.” Quinn asked. “Because of those two guys?”

“Yes.” I don’t know why I had told the group so much, but I wanted to leave. I felt horribly uncomfortable with them all staring at me.

“How old are you?”

“I’ll be fourteen in a few weeks.”

“Fourteen? Hey, we’re the same age,” Bert smiled. Really? Because I don’t care. We’re all around the same age, stop trying to brag and get attention. I wish I was home. I want my mom.

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Knight In Shining Armor 10

Mon, 25 Jul 2005 06:58:22 GMT

Title: Knight In Shining Armor 10 (The End! Yay!)
Band/Pairing: Gerard/Ray
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG
Summary: “Then make me happy.”
Disclaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: Constructive critisism and reviews are much appreciated!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9

“Happier things should happen. Everywhere. All the time.” Ray said as he leaned back into an overly cushioned chair, Bob leaning against the wall.

“Are you referring to Mikey and Gerard, again?” He sounded exasperated, but Ray couldn’t keep his mind off of Gerard.

“Maybe,”

“Just get over it. They’re friends again, Mikey and Frank are fucking each other, and Gerard is in his room.” Bob paused for a second. “Alone.”

“Why did you say it that way?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Go to your own room.”

“This is my room.”

“Well, now it’s mine. So leave.” Could Bob have been any more obvious? Ray didn’t think so, but he took Bob’s advice and left the room. He made his way to Gerard’s, who (as Bob had said) was alone.

“Hey, Gee?” Ray said quietly as he knocked on the door. “It’s Ray. Open up?” He’d wanted to say it more demanding. The door slowly opened and Ray was greeted by Gerard’s beautifully sad face, his eyes were slightly red and his hair a mess. His cheeks flushed red when he opened the door.

“Hi,” he whispered, Ray wouldn’t have known he’d said anything unless he’d seen Gerard move his lips. “You probably want to come in?” Ray nodded. Gerard let him eagerly, closing the door when Ray’s foot was barely an inch away from the frame.

“So, um, you probably heard about Mikey and Frank?”

“More like heard Mikey and Frank.” He grinned and sat on the floor. Ray followed his example, sitting cross legged and setting his hands in his lap.

“I’m sorry for freaking out,”

“It’s fine. I deserved it.”

“No, I should’ve known you already would have been kicking yourself in the crotch for it.” Ray looked at his hands. “Forgive me?”

“Sure.” Gerard hugged his knees to his chest and looked at the end table next to the bed they had their backs against, away from Ray.

“And about us,” he hated to bring it up. Ray had wanted to avoid the conversation at all costs, but he had decided that it was something that needed to be said.

“’Us’?” Gerard turned his head. “I’m not sure there ever was an ‘us’.”

“There doesn’t need to be sex or dating in order to be an ‘us’, Gerard.” Ray smirked. “Unless you want it to be that kind of ‘us’,” he added quietly.

“I don’t know if we should,” Gerard held Ray’s hand and bit the inside of his cheek. “I don’t want to get hurt, and I don’t want to hurt you,”

“I think it’d be worth the hurt,” Ray moved in close, but Gerard pulled away.

“Would it?” Gerard took in a deep breath. “It’s not that I don’t want it, I really, really, do. I just don’t know if it’s what we really need,”

“I just want to see you happy again, Gerard.” Ray looked at him as if Gerard denied him once again he’d fall apart, which would probably happen. Gerard sighed again, but instead of turning away from Ray he moved in closer, closer than they had been a few minutes ago.

“I want to be happy,” he said in a voice that was far more distant that Ray had ever heard. Even if Gerard was sitting next to him, holding his hand, he wasn’t really there. He was somewhere that Ray couldn’t go, and Ray feared for one moment that Gerard was with Bert.

So Ray kissed Gerard, and there was no denying that Gerard had been all the way there to experience it. Ray pulled out of the kiss and whispered, “You need to be happy.”

“Then make me happy.”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Knight In Shining Armor 9

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 02:13:31 GMT

Title: Knight In Shining Armor 9
Band/Pairing: Frank/Mikey
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Everybody seems to be mad at everybody, or at least, mad at Gerard. Over all of the talking and crying, Frank and Mikey finally manage to get some well-deserved action.
Disclaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: Constructive critisism and reviews are much appreciated!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8

“I can’t believe he never told me that,” Frank corrected himself: “I can’t believe he didn’t tell me that.” Silence. Ray was being very quiet. “Gerard is such a fucking asshole, I shouldn’t have let Mikey stop me, and I just should have kept at it. He deserves it.”

Ray stared at his hands, twiddling his thumbs, while in deep thought. His hair hid his eyes from Frank, making it impossible to tell what he was thinking. Ray muttered in agreement, but kept looking at his hands. “Ray, say something. Stop looking at your hands,”

“I kissed him, I touched him, he told me not to, and I did,”

“Who are you talking about?” Frank asked, though he had every idea of who it was.

“Gerard.”

“You kissed him?”

“Yeah, many times. He told me to stop, though, that it was what he wanted, but he knew it wasn’t right. He knew it wasn’t right. Why did he choose to grow up now?” Ray buried his face in his hands. “It always goes good for one moment, and then everything plunges into a huge pool of shit. It always works out that way for me. Why can’t I just have what I want?”

“Because then you’d be happy.” Frank replied. He knew the words weren’t that comforting, but this didn’t seem like the time for comforting words. He had given plenty of them the past few weeks, and he was tired of it. If people wanted to complain about their problems, Frank was just going to let them hear what they needed to hear.

“You know, you’re no worse than Gerard.” Ray lifted his head from his hands.

“What do you mean?” He asked, wiping away a few tears that had appeared.

“Feeling sorry for yourself, crying, you’re just going through the cycle that he went through.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I’ll end up violating Mikey.” Ray hated saying the word ‘rape’. It was nasty, something that shouldn’t be said or done by anyone. He had resulted in saying ‘violated’ or ‘defiled’ anytime they referred to Gerard’s actions.

“I’m leaving. I want to go talk to Mikey,” Frank left without another word, without listening to Ray whine, saying he didn’t want to be alone. Frank had one person on his mind, and he knew where to find him.

-----

"I should go talk to Frank, he's probably mad at me for not telling him," Mikey said, breaking the silence that so often overcame his brother and him. "I should've told him, or should I have? I just didn't think he would be able to handle it, and I guess I was right."

"No, Mikey, he handled it. And he handled it well. If I was in Frank's position," Gerard shuddered, "I would have done a lot more than just hit me once or twice." Tears filled Gerard's eyes as he continued, "Or I would've just cried. I'm so sorry, Mikey,"

"Yes, we've been through this. I know you're sorry, Gee." But tears started to spill out of Gerard's eyes anyway. Mikey placed his arm around Gerard, who leaned his head on Mikey's shoulder. "I probably should have shown a little bit more resistance, huh?"

"No, I wouldn't have listened to you." Mikey fell silent. He took his arm back and Gerard sat up straight.

When Frank opened the door to Ray’s room, he found Gerard and Mikey still sitting on the floor, though they weren’t talking, just staring at the ground in and understanding silence. Frank jiggled the door knob to let them know of his presence. Mikey stood up right away and they both left Gerard without making a sound.

“I’m sorry for hurting Gerard,” Liar. Frank thought. You’d do it again, if you could.

“It’s okay, he deserved it.” Mikey shuffled his feet. “You want to go back to my room? I don’t like standing in the hallway like this.

“Like what?”

“Just standing there, no destination, just standing. It’s pointless. Let’s go to my room.” And they did. Frank flopped down on the bed and Mikey sat in a nearby chair. He stared at the TV, as if it were actually on.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Gee.”

Frank sighed. “You know, I’d like it a lot better if you were on the bed with me.” Mikey smiled and got up. He took two steps and then fell on the bed, lying next to Frank. They rested on their stomachs, staring at each other. Frank took Mikey’s hand.

Without thinking, Mikey asked: “Frank, are we dating?” He shrugged and said: “I guess so.” It wasn’t the answer that Mikey had hoped for. He imagined a more excitable Frank smiling and saying, “Uh, yeah!” or something to that effect. The unsure “I guess so” was unnerving.

“Okay.” Frank played with Mikey’s fingers. A small tingling went up Mikey’s spine. He liked the way that Frank held him, how casual and lazy, but adoring as well. He kissed each finger separately, and slowly made his way up Mikey’s arm. Frank stayed at Mikey’s neck for a while, clearly enjoying the position of control he was in.

Mikey’s mouth ached for Frank. He tried to hurry him up by a quiet moan but Frank didn’t rush through anything. He pulled himself closer to Mikey, his hands reaching up Mikey’s shirt to explore his under fed body. Frank felt like he could almost hold Mikey with his hands enclosed around Mikey’s waist.

“You’re so skinny,” he pulled away from Mikey’s neck. “And you’re cold,”

“So warm me up.” Mikey smirked. When did you become such a smart ass? Frank thought. But he could think later. Frank decided that this was the time to get Mikey out of his clothes, at least out of his pants. He slowly removed each article of clothing, kissing and touching every bit of skin as it was revealed to him. Mikey’s rib cage stuck out just barely, but his hip bones were very prominent.

Mikey moaned. “Frank, would you hurry up?”

“I’m sorry, it’s hard to work the belt,” he replied sarcastically. “What are you in a big hurry for, anyway? It’ll all be over before it’s even started if you think like that.” Mikey looked at Frank angrily. He hadn’t expected resistance from the other side. Frank fumbled with Mikey’s belt, but had more problems with his pants.

“Why do you wear them so fucking tight?” He peeled off Mikey’s pants and threw them to the other side of the room.

“I see you watching me on stage,” Mikey giggled. “You like them, don’t pretend that you don’t,”

“You should try not wearing any, I’d probably like that more,” Frank said, grabbing Mikey’s glasses. Mikey gasped, “Don’t break them,” Frank rolled his eyes and threw them next to Mikey’s pants.

“Hey! Be careful!” Mikey squealed. There was something wrong about this picture, Mikey thought. Then he realized Frank was still fully clothed. Mikey had no intentions of going slow with Frank, who was undressed in what seemed less than 30 seconds. Frank heaved himself on top of Mikey, who looked nervous.

“Hey, Frank, can I, er, could I,” his cheeks turned bright red, “do you think I could be on top?” Frank laughed. “What? It’s just when it comes to guys, I’m never on top,”

“Guys?”

“You know, Sonny, Quinn,”

“Jesus, Mikey! You get around,” but Frank sighed and said in a voice of fake reluctance: “Yeah, sure. Do what you wish.” They had switched positions, Mikey mouth attacking Frank’s, soft groans escaping their lips. He’s so warm, Mikey thought, pressing his body against Franks.

Mikey’s erection was now as prominent as his intentions. “Mikey, I want you inside me,” Frank muttered, he wrapped his legs around Mikey’s waist. It was all so sudden that Mikey found himself inside Frank. They found a smooth and fluid rhythm almost instantly, Mikey thrusting into Frank with urgency, as if it were the last chance they would have together. Mikey wrapped his fist around Frank’s neglected erection.

Frank cried out. “Oh, jesus, Mikey! Where the fuck did you learn this?!” He managed to give a few more thrusts before he gave in to Frank’s climax. Mikey pulled out of Frank with a small groan and fell against him. Frank took him into his arms gladly, them both taking in deep breaths. He ran his fingers through Mikey’s sweat-drenched hair.

“All warmed up?” Frank asked. Mikey rested his head against Frank’s chest.

“Yeah, finally.”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Knight In Shining Armor 8

Thu, 21 Jul 2005 06:28:07 GMT

Title: Knight In Shining Armor 8
Band/Pairing: Gerard/Ray, Frank/Mikey
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The drama continues! Gerard confesses to Ray his terrible deeds against Mikey, Ray doesn't take the information well. What happens when Frank finds out?
Disclaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: Constructive critisism and reviews are much appreciated!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7

It had been an hour and Ray was still muttering, “Raped… I can’t believe you… god, Gerard…” And Gerard was fed up.

“Stop doing that! You make it sound like I’m not sorry for any of it, when my heart is fucking broken, anytime that I look at Mikey I want to jab my eyes out, so maybe those images will be gone! I can’t stand what I did, Ray, I can’t fucking stand it!”

“You shouldn’t be able to stand it! You raped your brother! You deserve to see those images; you deserve to be haunted by it!”

Someone opened the door. “What are you guys yelling about?” Frank and Mikey entered, holding hands. “We could hear you all the way down the hall,” Mikey looked at the doorway. He wanted to leave. Gerard wanted him to leave, too.

“Where’s Bob?” Ray asked.

“God knows,” Frank replied, pulling Mikey further into the room. “He’s extremely elusive,”

Ray was looking at Gerard expectantly. What? You want me to tell him, too? Frank will KILL me! He tried to communicate with Ray, but failed. Ray still looked at him as stern and as expectant as ever.

“I think Gerard knows the reason why Mikey’s been acting so different, lately,” Ray said, his hands on his hips. Gerard gaped at him, pleading him not to go on any further. Mikey looked the same way, his eyes were wide and he gripped Frank’s hand even tighter.

“Oh really?” Frank said, a small trace of teasing in his voice. “Thank god, I can’t get a fucking word out of Mike,” he grinned at Mikey, who didn’t return Frank’s gaze with even a weak smile; he just stared at Ray and Gerard, seemingly pleading Ray not to go on, at least not in front of Frank.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please don’t say anything, not yet.” Gerard was more than happy to obey, Ray however, was not content with Mikey’s pleads. He rolled his eyes. Don’t say anything Ray, please don’t. Gerard willed him. Come on, look at Mikey, try and deny that face.

Mikey’s face was in fact a hard thing to deny, his eyes becoming wet and bloodshot, his bottom lip quivering. Why was he so fragile? Why did Gerard make him even more fragile than before? The fact that Gerard had broken Mikey didn’t sit well in his stomach, and he felt his non-existent breakfast ready to make its way out of his system.

“No, Mikey, don’t make that face, I want to know what is going on,” Frank was finished being nice. Gerard backed away a little. He didn’t want to get in Frank’s way when he was angry. “I hate it when you leave me out of things, I should know, so tell me what the fuck is going on,”

“I raped Mikey.” There was no nice way of putting it. No way to cover it up so it sounded less terrible than it actually was. Tears started to spill down Mikey’s cheeks, hitting the floor with soft splashes. No one said anything for a while. Frank stared at the ground, watching Mikey’s tears stain the carpet.

Gerard stared at his feet, awaiting Frank’s reply. It came with a hard punch in the face. And another one. Gerard fell to the ground, no sound escaping his lips. It was the beating he deserved, the beating he had inflicted upon his trusting, loving little brother, and Gerard was more than happy to let it go on.

“Frank, stop it!” It was Mikey who yelled it. Mikey who couldn’t stand seeing Gee on the floor, showing no sign of resistance. He fell on his knees, crawling over to Gerard, whose nose was bleeding. A few small drops had turned into a large stain in the carpet, his tears and blood intermixed, streaming down his face, the cost of their night’s stay rising.

“Tell him I’m sorry,” Gerard couldn’t bring himself to look at Frank, who had a look of utter disgust and hatred on his face. “I’m sorry for what I did to you, Mikey.”

“I know, Gee, I know,” Gerard pulled himself up and hugged Mikey.

“You two cry too much.” Frank stated and left the room, Ray following his example soon after. Mikey and Gerard were once again alone, but this time, Mikey didn’t mind. As Gerard sobbed into his shoulder, Mikey thought about what he was going to do next. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to start talking to Gerard honestly and whole heartedly again.

“You don’t have to stay if you want to,” Gerard muttered.

“I want to.” Gerard smiled and wiped his nose.

“Frank is stronger than I thought,” Mikey smirked.

“Only if you piss him off.”

Gerard and Mikey shared a small laugh. It was good to laugh again, even if it had only been a few weeks, they felt like months. Being distant with someone you had been so close to hit Gerard harder than Frank’s punches had, the sweetness of Mikey’s voice was something he had forgotten how much he loved.

“You’re so,” Gerard paused for the right word, “innocent.” It probably wasn’t the right word, but it was certainly the one that came to mind. Mikey grinned.

“Is that what you think?” He teased. Gerard nodded. “Well, you go ahead and think that.”

“You and Frank haven’t, er, done anything yet…?”

“Jesus, Gee, it hasn’t even been half of a day! And you are worried about Frank defiling me?”

“A brother has his rights.”

“Not one like you.” Silence followed. Gerard wasn’t sure if Mikey had been joking or not. He didn’t want to take the chance and say something stupid or offensive. And so there was silence, and it was a long one.

“So what were you and Ray doing? Before you started fighting, which I assume is because you told him,”

“Yeah, I did. I don’t know, we were talking, then things kind of took at turn,” Mikey looked at him, puzzled, “he and I started making out,” Gerard added. Mikey said “Aha” in understanding. “And I couldn’t do it. I don’t know, it’s probably because I’ve fucked up everything, and I didn’t want to ruin things with Ray that way.”

“So you told him?”

“I wasn’t going to, but then I knew I had to.”

“I’m glad you did.”

“You are? You seemed kind of displeased with the whole situation when Frank was being rather demanding,” It was Gerard’s turn to be puzzled.

“Well, if you hadn’t, then you wouldn’t have gotten beat up, and I wouldn’t be talking to you right now. I don’t know, I guess things work themselves out.” Mikey hugged his knees to his chest as Gerard stared at him.

“I guess they do.” He stared at his feet. “So you’ve been going out with Frank for how many hours?”

“I don’t know, he’s not very official about it, I don’t even know if we’re going out or anything, he just held my hand.”

“That’s generally a sign of showing interest,” he prodded Mikey. “Do you like him?”

“Yeah. I probably would’ve taken my hand away if I didn’t.” Mikey sighed. “He wants to help me, which I guess is a good thing, but I’m worried that things will turn out like they did with you and him, and I don’t want to go raping you.” Mikey laughed at his own joke. Gerard laughed just at the stupidity of it.

“We should probably go find them, and find Bob or something, where the hell is he?” Gerard asked, standing up and then helping Mikey.

“I have no idea,” a few sharp knocks came from the door. The person let themselves in. It was Bob.

“Hey guys, did I miss anything?”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Knight In Shining Armor 7

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 23:15:25 GMT

Title: Knight In Shining Armor 7
Band/Pairing: Gerard/Ray, Frank/Mikey
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG-13
Summary: All is kind of well in the Chemical Romance family, with Mikey and Gerard on speaking terms after a week of not being, Gerard decides to mend things with Ray.
Disclaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: Constructive critisism and reviews are much appreciated!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Mikey and Frank had left before Gerard had returned, to Mikey’s delight. Frank had protested at first, but when he got a stern look from Mikey he backed down. Frank decided not to mention Gerard much around Mikey, who seemed to be sensitive of the subject.

“You still haven’t told me what’s wrong. Or, what was wrong.”

“Just forget about it, alright?” Mikey snapped. “The sooner we forget about it, the sooner I can get over it; the sooner things will get better.”

“Okay.” Frank gave up entirely. Mikey wasn’t ever going to tell him anything, so why should he pester him?

“Thank you.” Mikey exhaled, like he had been holding in that breath for a long time. “That’s all I wanted.”

“Sure. Let’s go eat, I’m starved,” Frank changed the subject. After a half an hour search, they managed to find a remotely deserted diner. “Local restraunts are the best, well, when it comes to breakfast,”

Why does everyone talk to me like that? Mikey thought. “Yeah, you know, you don’t have to tell me that. I’ve learned the same things you have, Frank. We live together, remember?”

“Well, not all year around.” Frank grinned. “Come on, I’m hungry.” And it was true. Frank not only at his entire breakfast (which was big enough as it is) he finished what Mikey had left on his plate. “Can’t go wasting money,” he said, shoving a fork full of eggs into his mouth. Mikey laughed at him.

“I wonder if Gerard is still with Ray,” Frank wondered aloud. He wished he wouldn’t have.

“Yeah, he probably is,” Mikey said grudgingly. He had a horrible image in his mind of Gerard taking advantage of Ray. Mikey rubbed his eyes, forcing the image out of his mind. Frank stared at him.

“I’m done, let’s go back to the hotel and see what’s going on.” Frank tipped the waitress (who blushed when he winked at her) and let Mikey lead the way back to the hotel.

“Why don’t you walk next to me?” Mikey stopped. Frank kept walking.

“You don’t seem like the kind of person I want to walk next to, today.” Mikey rolled his eyes and caught up with Frank.

“I’m sorry for being so touchy,” he shoved his hands in his pockets. “Things have been kind of out of hand lately. I mean, with Gee being so depressed and everything, I don’t know, I’ve just been lost.”

Frank took Mikey’s hand out of his jacket’s pocket and held it. “You aren’t lost right now, are you?” Mikey stared at the ground.

“No, no I’m not.”

-----

Gerard was in Bob’s room, seeking wisdom from the Advisor. He seemed to be on a roll, today.

“So, Bob, say if I had this person that I really trusted and who trusted me, well, what if I hurt them?”

“What do you mean by hurt?”

“I mean, like, really hurt them. Not just threw some insults at them, but really emotionally fucked up the person, and maybe physically. And even if the person has forgiven me for it, but doesn’t act like they have really moved on, I don’t know. What do you think?”

“I think you need to leave that person alone.” Bob sat next to Gerard. “They’ll come to you when they’re ready,”

“How did you get so wise?”

“I’ve been a lot of places.” He replied quickly.

“So have we,”

“Not as many places as I have.” He grinned. Gerard was going to question him further, but decided against it. Bob had his mysterious ways about him, and solving a mystery was the last thing Gerard felt like doing. He already had enough shit going on.

“Okay, so can I ask you something else?”

“Sure.”

“I used to not have feelings for this guy, and now I do, but I don’t want to do anything about it because I’m worried I’ll fuck up everything with him, too.”

“Then don’t do anything. If you don’t feel like you should, then don’t. It’s as simple as that.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Gerard’s heart sank. He knew that this would be the answer, but there was a longing inside him that he wanted to get rid of. But then again, there had been longings inside him before and what had happened? Mikey ended up getting raped, by him.

Gerard cringed. Anytime time he thought of the words “Mikey” and “rape” together, he always saw Mikey’s horrified face. He wondered how on earth he could have bared it before, because just the thought of it now made him want to cry. A lot of things made him want to cry.

“I missed breakfast; you want to go to lunch? We’ll stop by Ray’s and get him to go with us.”

“Um, no, I’m not that hungry. You can go ahead.” Gerard left the room with Bob. They split ways, Bob heading to Ray’s, Gerard heading to his own room. He lied down on his bed, bored as hell. There was nothing to do around here, if he wasn’t with anyone.

“You could go talk to Frank,” he suggested to himself, “no, Mikey will probably be there. You just should’ve gone to lunch; could it hurt just to be around Ray?” He already knew the answer. Yes. If not being around him was bothering him, what would it be like when he was around him?

Someone opened the door. “Gerard? Who are you talking to?” It was Ray.

“Oh, no one. Just,” Oh fuck. You won’t sound like an idiot at all if you say it. He thought sarcastically. “Myself.” You had to say it. You just had to say it. “Weren’t you going to lunch with Bob?”

“What? No, he never stopped by or anything,” Ray let himself in. He lied down next to Gerard on the bed. “You ever wonder why things don’t play out in real life the way they play out in your head?”

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” Ray snickered and Gerard continued. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Things don’t ever work out the way you want them to.”

“But they do work out.”

“Yeah.” He and Gerard stared at the ceiling, examining the cracks and the fan. “Hey, Ray, do you--” before Gerard could say anything else, Ray had planted a small kiss on Gerard’s lips.

“Ray, I,” but Ray put his finger to Gerard’s lips.

“Don’t say anything, you always say something,”

“But--” Ray’s mouth was on Gerard’s before he could protest. Gerard deeply enjoyed the moment and savored every second. But he pushed Ray away.

“Gerard..?” Ray took in a few deep breaths that Gerard had kept from him.

“Ray, it’s not that I don’t want what you want, oh god I do, but I can’t,” Ray stared at him, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t hurt you like I’ve hurt everyone else,”

“Everyone else?” Gerard, don’t tell him, it will be the end of everything. He’ll hate you; Mikey will hate you even more.

“Ray, I’m the reason Mikey’s been so fucking depressed lately,” Ray went to say something, but Gerard signaled for him to not, “I, oh god, Ray,” he leaned into Ray, who put his arms around Gerard.

“It’s okay, Gerard, you can tell me, what was wrong with Mikey?”

“Ray, I hurt Mikey.” He hesitated. You could stop now, just leave it at that. Go back to having Ray’s tongue down your throat, the way you like it. Don’t say anything more, just get what you want. What you want. Gerard realized at that moment what a bastard he had been ever since Bert. Even with Bert. He had been so fucking selfish that he couldn’t even see what he was doing to other people.

“I raped Mikey.” Gerard pulled away from Ray.

“What?” Ray was in total disbelief. Gerard willed himself to say it again.

“I raped Mikey.” Ray stared at him with his mouth wide open. Gerard looked away. Damn it, you shouldn’t have said anything.
“I can’t believe that, I can’t believe you! You would do that to Mikey?! You mean everything to him!”

“I know! I fucking know!” Gerard buried his face in his hands. “I was an ass hole, I was a stupid fucking jerk, I was a selfish bastard, and I hate myself for it.”

“Well you should!” Ray stood up. “I can’t believe you, oh god, you just. . .” Ray trailed off. Gerard didn’t hear another word from him, everything seemed to go blurry. Ray had become a haze, his words mixed and jumbled together.

“Gerard! GERARD! Are you even listening?!” He yelled. Gerard nodded. Another lie.

“Yes! I am! And you know what? Mikey’s actually managed to forgive me. It was a hell of a lot more than I expected, and I expected that he wouldn’t ever talk to me again. So just don’t talk to him about it, okay? We’re both trying to fucking forget it, and it won’t help the situation if you make an even bigger deal out of it!” Gerard felt the tears begin to fall.

“Don’t try and cry yourself out of this one,”

“These tears aren’t for me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Oh really? Then what are they for? What are you thinking about?”

Gerard’s lower lip quivered. “Mikey’s face.”

Archived at: inxourxdesign

Knight In Shining Armor 6

Wed, 20 Jul 2005 07:54:12 GMT

Title: Knight In Shining Armor 6
Band/Pairing: Gerard/Ray
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: PG
Summary: All is kind of well in the Chemical Romance family, with Mikey and Gerard on speaking terms after a week of not being, Gerard decides to ment things with Ray.
Disclaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: Constructive critisism and reviews are much appreciated!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Mikey didn’t speak to Gerard for a week after that. Gerard knew not to talk to Mikey during this time; he didn’t want to make matters worse. While the rest of the band wondered what was going on between them, Gerard was just thankful that Mikey hadn’t murdered him. If he had, it probably would have been fair. It was Friday when Mikey decided to talk to Gerard again.

“I’ve thought about it a lot and,” he hesitated. Gerard stared at him intently, trying to get the words out of him. “You’re forgiven.”

Gerard nodded and said softly: “Thanks, Mikey.” He thought about his words before he continued, not wanting to break the already delicate moment, “Could we ever just forget about it?”

“You probably can.” Mikey replied coldly. Gerard winced. It wasn’t what he meant at all, but Mikey’s words made it sound horrible. He thought of a few things he would like to say, but held his tongue.

The night he had cried, the night that Mikey had held him, the night where everything horrible ended, had been one of the most terrible and wonderful nights of Gerard’s life. The level of intimacy achieved with his brother that night hadn’t been a fake one, like all of the experiences before hand. It had been an honest, naked truth, he had reached an understanding with his younger brother, and Mikey had reached an understanding with him. Though it wasn’t clear if Mikey felt this way about Gerard, it was certainly how Gerard felt.

Things about Mikey were different today, Gerard had noticed, the color was back in his cheeks. He wasn’t shifty and he didn’t flinch at loud noises. Gerard smiled at the small mercy of it, he hated seeing Mikey so irritable and high strung.

“Looking ravishing today Mikey,” Frank joined them. “Is that color in your cheeks? And dry eyes?” Mikey blushed profusely. Gerard and Frank laughed at him. “Well, it’s nice to see you looking so well, Mike. And you too, Gerard,” he added quickly, so as not to leave Gerard out of the morning flattery.

“Where’s Ray?” Gerard asked. “I need to talk to him,” he felt even worse (if it was possible) about being such a bastard to Ray. Every mistake he had made in the past fortnight seemed to be catching up with him now.

“In his room on his bed, alone.” Frank winked. Gerard left almost instantly. He knocked lightly on Ray’s door and heard an even softer voice granting him permission to enter. He found Ray as Frank had described him, on his bed and alone.

“Gerard! Er, how’s Mikey?” The question had become almost routine by now. But instead of the usual response of ‘I don’t know’ Gerard replied: “He’s going to be okay, he’s looking a lot better.” No thanks to me, Gerard thought, and he was right.

“I came to apologize about the other night, I was really out of line, and I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with you,”

“No, I shouldn’t have gotten fed up with you.”

“Friends?”

“Friends.”

Could it really be this easy? Gerard wondered as he sat himself down next to Ray. Why is everything so easy after it’s so fucking hard? He hadn’t seen Ray this close in a long time, and now that he saw him, he saw a wreck. Ray’s eyes were red and puffy, his hair was matted and more out of control than usual, he hadn’t shaven in a while.

“What’s been going on with you?” Gerard asked in the least offensive tone he could.

“Oh, nothing, been wondering after Mikey, hoping he’s okay.” Yeah, we all have. But what’s wrong with you?

“You just look a little, out of character. No, that’s not the word I’m looking for, fuck. But do you know what I mean?” Gerard was making little sense even to himself. For some reason, Ray nodded.

“I don’t know, Mikey’s behavior has hit me pretty hard, and then with the whole thing of us not talking,” Gerard felt a sudden urge to kiss Ray. He didn’t even know where it came from, and he almost looked around the room to see if someone had told him to do it.

No, no don’t do it, you keep screwing people up like this. He warned himself, Like what happened to Mikey, what happened with Frank, what happened with Bert. You don’t need a relationship, you don’t need anyone. So just stop it.

“Thanks for asking, though.” Ray added.

“Anytime. You want to go get breakfast?”

“Actually, no. I haven’t slept very well the past few nights, I think I’ll just stay here.”

Can I stay here with you? No, Gerard, NO.

“Okay. I’ll see you later on, then.”

“Yeah, bye.”

“Bye.” When Gerard left, he shut the door quietly. He had slammed it enough the past few weeks to last him a life time. Whatever you do, don’t fall for the fucking peasant, you lousy Prince.

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Knight In Shining Armor 5

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 22:15:31 GMT

Title: Knight In Shining Armor 5
Band/Pairing: Gerard/Mikey, Frank/Mikey
Author: bestxwillxfall
Rating: R
Warning: Rape, angst, sadness, incest.
Summary: Gerard has been feeling completely down and alone. He has taken comfort in the encouragements in his friends, and the pleasures of Frank. But with Frank not wanting a relationship, Gerard breaks down again, breaking off all friendship bonds with Ray. Now all he has is Mikey, and after a while, he probably won't have him any more, either.
Disclaimer: This didn't happen.
Notes: Constructive critisism, please! This is also longer than most of the chapters, with 2,122 words. Tell me what you think!
Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

“Mikey, there’s something wrong, and it’s more than falling down in the shower,” Frank confronted him after the show. Mikey had managed to get to his room alone, no Gerard following him. “There’s got to be something more, I mean, after that display,” Mikey winced. Musically, they’d been fine, it was the passion and excitement that Mikey had lacked, and this had affected the other members. Mikey didn’t reply.

“Don’t be so silent,” Frank was looking at Mikey as if he were trying to get inside his brain. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“It’s,” Mikey paused. He didn’t want to trouble for Frank, he didn’t want to drag him into his problems, “it’s nothing.” Frank sighed. Mikey’s voice hadn’t been near convincing but Frank knew that he wasn’t going to get anything out of him tonight. A sharp knock came to the door. Mikey jumped. Frank stared at him.

“What was that?”

“Er, a knock on the door.” Mikey replied.

“I meant you jumping.” More knocks came, growing louder and louder. Frank ignored them. “You aren’t a jumpy person, Mikey. Tell me what’s wrong.” Frank’s voice was raised.

“Frank, please, he’ll hear,” Mikey tried to hush him, putting his hand to Frank’s mouth. Frank said something that was muffled by Mikey’s hand. “Shhh! Lower your voice, god damnit!” Franks muffles became softer, Mikey removed his hand.

“Who’ll hear?” Mikey wished his hand was still on Frank’s mouth. The banging on the door had stopped, Gerard (or that’s who Mikey thought it was) had given up. “There, they’re gone. Can you talk to me now?” But Mikey just sat there in silence and Frank got seriously annoyed.

Frank grabbed Mikey’s shoulders roughly. “Mikey! How the hell am I supposed to help you if I don’t know what the fuck is going on?!” Mikey gritted his teeth and tried to ignore the pain that was coming from his left shoulder. Frank noticed this. “Mikey, take off your shirt.”

“What--”

“I mean it. Now.” Mikey slowly discarded his shirt. He tried to cover up the bruises that had formed over the past few hours with his hands, but they were too prominent and large to be hidden.

“Mikey, where did you. . .” Frank’s eyes were wide, his hands tracing the perimeter of each discoloration softly. He offered a weak smile. “Probably not from the shower, huh?” Mikey tried to smile, but didn’t find one in him. “Where did you get these from?”

Mikey closed his eyes. Please stop asking questions, he thought. He’ll probably be back here again, and I haven’t had a good rest for 72 hours. Mikey shook his head to say that he didn’t want to tell Frank anything.

“You want me to spend the night with you?” He asked gently. The annoyance and anger with Mikey’s unwillingness was gone. Mikey hesitated and then nodded. Frank removed his shirt and threw it on the ground.

Mikey didn’t fall asleep right away that night, although Frank did. Something about the man lying in his bed next to him gave Mikey a comfort that he hadn’t felt in a long time, before Gerard, before anything. He felt safe with Frank next to him, whose slow breathing eventually lulled Mikey into a deep sleep. He had the best sleep of his life that night.

“Mikey, wake up,” Frank’s voice sounded far off, dream like. “Its 1:27, you’ve been asleep for about 12 hours.” Mikey sat up groggily. The alarm clock next to him read 1:27 PM, as Frank had said. Apparently he’d had less sleep than he originally thought. Mikey looked at his arms and chest. The bruises had become an even darker shade of purple, and a few scratches had started healing over.

“You still haven’t told me how you got those.”

Mikey shook his head. “I—yeah.” Mikey leaned over and put his head on Frank’s shoulder.

“You slept so long, everyone has been up here asking how you are,” Mikey’s eyes were closed. He wanted desperately to just fall asleep on Frank’s shoulder, and maybe never wake up. “Gerard especially, he’s been checking up on you a lot,”

“Gerard?”

“Yeah. You know, he loves you a lot. You’re the one thing in the world that he cares most about,” Yeah, right. A horrible feeling started brewing in Mikey’s stomach. He clutched it. Oh, don’t get sick, you don’t need to get sick, he told himself.

“Are you alright? You’re really pale,” Mikey ran to the bathroom, Frank following. Mikey sat there with his head in the toilet bowl for about ten minutes, Frank supporting him the entire time.

“God, you haven’t even eaten anything the past three days. How the hell could you throw all that up?” Mikey laughed.

“I’m sorry,”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s your room, you’ll have to live with the smell, which I expect is going to hang around for the next week.” Frank’s nose wrinkled. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” They dressed quickly and Mikey grabbed his key.

“Let’s go to Ray’s,” Frank led Mikey down the hall. “He’s always got good advice. Well, Bob’s got good advice. But Ray gives you self-esteem, and I think that’s what you need.”

Mikey was annoyed. “Frank, yeah, I know. It’s not like I’ve never been around these guys before,” But when they came into Ray’s apartment, they found him just as distraught and pale as Mikey.

“What the fuck is wrong with everyone here?!” Frank shouted. “Why can’t we just be happy?!”

“Would you stop throwing a tantrum?” Mikey shot at him.

“No,” Frank said quietly and muttered something to himself. Mikey turned his attention to Ray, who was lying on his bed, his eyes puffy and red.

“Ray, have you been, er,”

“Crying? Yeah.” Mikey sat on the foot of his bed.

“Why?”

“Nothing, I don’t want to trouble you two,” Frank rolled his eyes.

“You aren’t troubling us, Ray. Believe me.” Mikey nodded in agreement.

“Well, fine.” So Ray told them everything, how he had been in love with Gerard for quite some time, how everything had been ruined, and how he knew nothing was going to be good again. Mikey couldn’t help but be infuriated with what Ray was saying. What the hell did he know about Gerard? Gerard was an asshole, a complete waste of life, and Mikey didn’t give a shit if he had absolutely no friends left on earth.

“Mikey, are you alright?” He had heard that sentence way to much. Ever since he was a kid, it was always ‘Mikey are you alright?’ Of course I’m not alright! So stop asking! Can’t you just fucking tell by looking at me?! But he nodded yes. Frank looked at Ray as if to say: “Don’t pursue the subject.” And Ray didn’t.

“So, what are you going to do about Gerard?” Frank asked, joining them on the bed. “I mean, he can’t be as pissed as you make him sound, he’s been so happy these past few days,”

“Yeah, I should probably confront him, huh? Apologize for it all, for being mad at him,”

“Why should you apologize?” It was the first thing Mikey had said in half an hour. “It’s not like you were the self absorbed ass hole, he’s the one that referred to us as a back up band.”

Frank and Ray gawked at him. They couldn’t believe what was coming out of Mikey’s mouth, he had always taken his brother’s side on things, which they assumed must have been a sort of brother bond they had.

“What?” Ray asked in disbelief. “Did you just tell me that Gerard is wrong?”

“Yes, so?”

“It’s a bit out of character,” Frank was puzzled by the drastic change in Mikey’s character. Not eating, not talking, and showing a genuine dislike for his brother. Frank wondered what the hell was next.

“Its way out of character,” Ray corrected.

“Nice one.” Ray looked at Frank for a second and laughed.

“So let’s forget about my problem for a second,” he said, “and let us concentrate on what is bothering Michael.”

“Nothing guys, why don’t you just leave me alone? Frank, you’ve been bothering me all fucking night and now Ray, god, just leave me alone. I’m going to lunch or something,” Mikey stormed out of the room.

A look of bewilderment was plastered on Ray’s face. “A bit touchy,”

“How about way touchy?”

When Mikey was back in his room, he slammed the door.

“Hey, Mike.” Gerard. How the hell did he get in here?

“You forgot to lock the door.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Just checking up on you, you were asleep for a while,” Gerard made his way towards Mikey, who was still standing next to the door. He ran his fingers through Mikey’s hair. “Why do you flinch when I touch you?”

“Because I’m afraid you’re going to hit me,” Mikey had had enough of hiding the truth. He didn’t want to be quiet to Gerard anymore, even if it would get him in trouble.

“I wouldn’t hit you if you just fucking cooperated Mikey, it’s not that hard,”

“I don’t want to cooperate, I just want you to leave me alone, I want us to be friends again, I want things to be like they were before Bert,”

“What does Bert have to do with us?”

“Everything. Without him, you would’ve have been so let down, you wouldn’t have been dumped, you wouldn’t have been hurt, you, you would still be friends with Ray, you wouldn’t feel so fucking sorry for yourself,”

Gerard slapped Mikey. “Don’t ever say that again, I don’t feel sorry for myself, I just know what I want, and when I don’t get it,”

“You rape and destroy everything that you see fit to?” Mikey hadn’t been shut up by Gerard’s hit. “Well, that’s not right. And that’s fucking selfish, and I want you to leave, right now.”

“Well, Mikey, I don’t want to leave, and what do you think you telling me to will do? You think I’ll just give up, crawl out of here with my tail between my legs?” He leaned in closer, Mikey tried to back up, but there was only an inch space between him and the door originally. He reached for the door knob, but Gerard grabbed it.

“Well? Did you?”

“Y-yes,” Mikey was shaking uncontrollably. “Please don’t hurt me, Gerard, let me go, please,” he tried but nothing he could say would stop him. Mikey received more pain that he ever thought was possible in that hour. He wondered why Frank or Ray didn’t come to get him, to save him. He cried hysterically and made as much noise as he could, praying that someone would hear. Someone would stop this maniac on top of him.

But afterwards, he found himself curling up next to Gerard’s scorching body, hoping that the warmth would radiate off onto him. Gerard, however, was exceedingly pleased with himself as he held Mikey close. His cold body shook violently, his tears once again spilling onto Gerard’s chest. He looked down at Mikey, and as pleased as he was with himself, something was different about this time.

He hadn’t been silent, he had been calling out names, well, screaming, trying to get someone to help him, Gerard in his own mind had always assumed Mikey had somewhere, somehow, enjoyed these times. That he looked forward to the next time, and the time after that. But opening his eyes, seeing Mikey as broken and fragile as he was at this moment, it had broken Gerard.

“Oh my god, Mikey,”

“Frank said you loved me, that you wanted to help me,” Mikey said, over and over again. His eyes shut as tight as they could be, wishing he was anywhere but this hell.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, Mikey, I am so fucking sorry,” Mikey just kept saying the same words over and over again, his voice was shaky, his fingers were as cold as ice. And for once, Gerard felt himself go cold as well.

“Mikey, Mikey, listen to me,” the lump was preventing him from talking well, “Mikey, stop talking, please,” Mikey was quiet. He opened his eyes and slowly looked at his brother. “I am so sorry, I shouldn’t have, if you never want to talk to me again, I am so sorry,” and he cried. His tears were big, bigger than Mikey’s had been, and more frequent. They were trickling off of his nose and lips and onto Mikey’s cheeks.

Mikey wrapped his arms around Gerard. He would talk to him later, be mad at him later, but now, now he was going to hold him. “Mikey, Mikey, oh god, Mikey,”

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